Little Teefs

We’ve got this damn heatwave going on in the UK, and whilst I can handle the odd seriously hot day (and even enjoy it) when it’s continuous it ceases to be much fun. Maybe if I didn’t have to go to work I’d feel better about it-even when it gets cooler it takes another day or two for the temperature inside the warehouse to drop.

In my teens and twenties I was so unhappy with my body that I’d still be wearing black tops with long sleeves in this kind of weather. I’m so grateful that although I’m not exactly ecstatic with my physical appearance, at least I give few enough shits to be able to relax these days.

It’s so weird how I’m 5.5 stone heavier than my lowest weight yet I’m so much more comfortable with my body now. When I was dieting, it was just never enough. It was always ‘just a little bit more’, but the end point never came.

The pool was where I spent almost the entire day yesterday, even when my friend came to visit. He’s actually an ex from a long time ago, and when we were together I never would have let him see me like that. I would have gone and got changed into something more ‘attractive’. And I certainly wouldn’t have posted this picture on the bloody internet for all to see!

I used to think that people who said they were fat and happy were just saying that. I believed that they believed it, but couldn’t imagine how it could possibly be true. Well, now I’m doing it, it’s happening, and I’m absolutely positive I’m not lying to myself.

Five years ago I also told myself I’d never, EVER be a desk clerk at work again. That’s the role I took on again last week, and although the job hasn’t changed much, I have changed. A LOT.

People are still rude to me (it’s amazing how many people don’t say please and thank you), there’s drama and backstabbing, there’s either too much to do or not enough… but I have learned to not be affected by things that aren’t my fault. Even if I am being blamed for them! For instance we had a lot of work the other night, more than the amount of truck drivers we had could possibly do. In the past I would have been pulling my hair out trying to ‘make it work’. But that responsibility isn’t mine to carry. I do the best with what I’ve got, and that’s that. No point taking it personally.

I released two loads on to the same bay so one was overflowing and one next to it was empty. In the past I would have felt a massive amount of guilt over this ‘mistake’. I would have woken up in a panic whilst it had been subconciously playing on my mind as I slept. As it is, sometimes the computer gets ‘stuck’ on the previous load and in my retraining no one had reminded me of that. I also asked my trainer to double check my work in case anything was on the wrong bay but he decided not to bother. It happened, it’s something I will look out for in future, and the world didn’t end.

The next night I was on the desk my manager gave me a half day holiday because there was nothing to do. Swings and roundabouts, eh?

There has been garden drama since I last wrote Remember my most magnificent squash? This particular one has been the star of the show, and in between Friday and Saturday it grew a whole two centimetres. Then Newton the destroyer came to visit.

Aren’t his little nibbles the cutest? And you can’t very well fault the boy for wanting to eat his veggies! The damage quickly dried and hardened up, so I’m cautiously optimistic that being eaten just a little bit isn’t going to stop this squash at all.

This is the difference between Friday and today:

The difference day by day is actually astonishing! Also new in the garden this week, a red dahlia has popped up (it’s a stunner) and my one cauliflower that has made it to this point is showing… a cauliflower! I think the reason this one survived wheras the others were eaten by slugs, is because I put it in an old pot I had handy (a metal one that once housed a mini Christmas tree) which I think the slugs and snails aren’t too keen on. That could come in very handy in future.

My biggest sunflower is still going strong and now stands at over 7ft tall. However I’m just as excited about the sunflowers I got from planting bird seed-because I had no idea what varieties I planted it’s been fun to see that some of them will have multiple flower heads. One even has a bud attached to every single leaf node.

I don’t like to wish the time away, but to be honest I’m very much looking forward to more managable autumn weather and seeing how the garden transforms over the coming few months. Autumn is a great time of year, don’t you think?

In the meatime, I will just have to try and stay cool as best as I can.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x