Fighting

I’ve had four hours sleep today and I have work in a couple of hours. What could possibly go wrong, eh?

I did a good deed this morning/afternoon. My sister needed to have a little anomaly in her leg cut out and she asked me to accompany her, so of course I said yes. She’s my little sister after all! We had coffee beforehand, which was me being clever because I knew if I had real coffee shop coffee too late in the afternoon then I’d never sleep before work.

Despite having the coffee before midday, I still couldn’t get off this evening and eventually gave up. I’ll be ok, I’ll just catch up tomorrow (and make sure I’m topped up with caffeine before work).

Anyway, my sister’s appointment did bring it’s own little bit of happiness. The doctor and assisting nurse she saw were such lovely people, and the first thing the nurse said is that you can tell we are sisters because we look so alike. This brings me nothing but joy, because it’s only very recently that I’ve looked anything like my sister. My face was so… distorted by fat that we didn’t look at all alike, but we sure do now. We get the same comment from every new person we meet in fact.

It’s extra good because I’ve always thought that my sister is beautiful, and now by default that must mean that I’m not quite as ugly as my internal thoughts try to tell me I am. I can’t be mean about myself, because that means I’m being mean to my sister too. There’s some logic in there, honestly!

So. Moving on.

Last night I got angry. Then I decided to fight for what I want. And then I got excited. I’m still excited now. It can be so goddamn tiring, fighting for the life you want, and sometimes you just want to say to hell with it. Sometimes, like me, you do. And you end up eating everything in sight for two weeks, or two months even. It sure feels like two months to me, but the number on the scales shows me that I must be doing something right at least some of the time. And it’s never, ever too late to pick yourself up and start again.

I never give myself enough credit, because what I’ve done so far is incredible. It still amazes me to think that I have enough clothes to wear something different every day of the week, and I feel comfortable enough in every single item that I don’t have to stress about what I’m putting on.

Up until now this kind of heat would see me trying on several different outfits, trying to find something cool enough to wear that also wouldn’t show too much of me, all the time getting hotter, sweatier, more out of breath, stressed and upset. Now when I’m picking my outfit my sole concern is whether I can get away with not ironing it!

What’s really exciting for me right now is that for the first time in months I truly, deep down in my heart of hearts want to get back on plan, and I truly want to do it just for myself. I lost my way for a little while there, but I found the trail of breadcrumbs. So to speak.

And although it feels like a fresh start, I’m not actually starting over. Because there’s something in me now that knows when enough is enough, before any real damage starts to be done. Before I’m telling myself that I really am as happy at 18 stone as I was at 14-something, and ending up at 20+ stone before I admit to myself that it was a complete lie.

After making the decision to really have a big shake-up in my life, and I mean literally minutes after, my first test arrived. A nice chap at work invited me to the pub on Monday and it took every bit of willpower I have to decline the invite.

It’s perfectly reasonable to be following the Slimming World plan and still go out and have a few drinks, but for me I don’t want to risk losing momentum before I’ve even got going again. This particular person is at the pub most weekends, and we get the same days off, so I’ve promised him that I will indeed come out in the future. But for now I have goals to smash. 

And I won’t stop fighting until I’ve smashed them all.

Hayley x

PS I can’t stand a post without anything nice to look at, so here’s me hanging out with the green one. Enjoy!

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Sea and City

I’ve got to admit – I’m still not 100% back on plan. I’m not even 10% back on plan! But I will be tomorrow. I’m feeling so much better today, so in typical fashion it’s also (almost) time to go back to work. This is my last night off in fact. There’s nothing like the end of a ‘holiday’ coinciding with the 1st of the month to make you feel like it’s time to go and smash those goals. This is the time it’d be reasonable to be cheesed off, but not for me. I never do things conventionally!

I did feel like I’d wasted my entire week off but when I look back on it, actually I haven’t. As long as we don’t put food into the equation that is.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were dire. My best day was the Sunday where, because I’d been at work until 6am, I actually had some steps under my belt. 8533 steps to be exact. Monday was 1925, Tuesday was 3722 and Wednesday was 1761. If I get less than 70,000 steps over the week then I feel extremely guilty, and even then I still feel like I could have done better. Well I could have! 70,000 is the absolute bare minimum!

So I needed to turn it around. Thursday I had my walk to, around and from the country park (18236 steps), Friday was a rainy walk up a big hill and back (15731 steps), Saturday was the park (16745 steps) and Sunday, well, that was the icing on the cake.

I didn’t realise how super cheap train fares are on a Sunday, so I paid for me and my brother to get the train to Leigh-on-Sea. From there we walked along the coast, passing through Chalkwell, Westcliff-on-Sea and Southend-on-Sea, finally reaching our destination of Shoeburyness. We were gone for a good few hours, mainly because we kept stopping to look at interesting things. The beaches were absolutely teeming with oysters, both alive and long dead, and I was really hoping to see an oystercatcher (the bird, not a fisherman) but it was not to be.

Crabs are actually my biggest phobia, so the photo credit goes to my little brother for this one. I’m fine with them from above, but when you see the underneath… Well… I just did a genuine shudder. I accidentally threw a crab once (when I was young), in the hands-on rock pool bit you get at Sealife centres. I was fine picking it up, but then I turned it over to look and it was one of those purely primal instincts to get the thing as far away from me as possible. I do hope the little guy was OK though, because it wasn’t his fault! This one is carrying another, smaller crab, and I’m hoping they were having (ahem) ‘sexy time’ rather than partaking in crab cannibalism.

It turned out to be an absolutely glorious morning for a walk, as you can see from the pictures. Passing through Southend is always depressing as it’s such a dump of a town. I had to pop to the loo and there are places for you to put your used needles. That’s the kind of town Southend is. But as soon as you’re five minutes away from there it’s beautiful, with quaint little beach huts to rival Brighton and hardly another soul about. 

By the time we got home I was rather pink, rather tired, and rather pleased to have accumulated 28,901 steps. That meant I was over 80,000 for the week, and that’s not bad considering it got off to such a lazy start.

Today was another very bad eating day, but it’s the last one, I absolutely promise! I went to Canterbury with a friend with the intention of going to a vegan pub where all the food and all the drink is totally vegan. I’ve only been vegan for a few weeks and already I can only imagine the joy of being able to go somewhere and just eat something without having to research it thoroughly beforehand. I checked their Facebook page and the week before last, when they were closed for a private function, they let their customers know. But there was nothing for this week so I thought it must be OK. WRONG! Even though online it said they were open, they were in fact closed.

Thankfully Canterbury just happens to be a lovely little city that caters for all sorts, and because of this situation I found a fantastic little pub that I’ll definitely be visiting again, called The Lady Luck. It’s an awesome place – they have regular live music, and I haven’t seen anything live for an age so I just have to go back and see something. The walls are plastered with album covers and artwork, the staff are lovely, and they are so inclusive. There’s something for everyone, and although when my food came out my heart sank just a little, because it didn’t look all that tasty, it was actually bloody lovely! I had a soya burger with tofu bacon, onions, gherkins, fake cheese and fake garlic mayo. It was so nice! Everything about the place just made my heart sing. The day was certainly not wasted!

I took just a couple of snaps of Canterbury, because we were a bit short on time and because I hate going anywhere without recording a memory of it. They’re not going to set the photography world alight, but here they are all the same!

Nothing went exactly as was planned this week, but lessons have been learned and I’m feeling positive about the week ahead. I haven’t forgotten those Long Tall Sally jeans, and I’ll be fitting in them before I know it. Tomorrow the scales are going to show a simply ENORMOUS gain, and the week after that most, if not all of it, will be ancient history.

Thank you for reading,

Hayley x

Over and Done With

Well that’s it. I (probably) NEVER have to drive in London again! I say probably because if, one day, someone I love is in London and unable to get a train/taxi/bus/coach/boat home then of course I’ll help them out. But it’s pretty unlikely!

After all my talk about making up for eating badly with exercise, which I did do and I felt good about it and enjoyed it, I still ended up going off plan Monday and Tuesday. On Monday I was just dreading the drive to London the next day. In the afternoon my friend bought round the people carrier I was borrowing and I went for a drive with him as he said there were some ‘quirks’ he had to explain. Boy, he wasn’t kidding.

I’ve been driving for a long old time but for the last year I’ve been driving an automatic. So although these things always come back to me pretty quickly it was a shock to the system driving a manual again. Especially this particular manual, because it has something wrong with it and I had to put more pressure on the accelerator to make the car move then I had to put on the brake to make it stop. It passed an MOT of course but that’s not right! That needs to be looked at! You also have to give it plenty of gas to make the power steering work at slow speeds, which is really hard when you’re trying to reverse what is basically a frikkin bus into a tight a spot with a dodgy accelerator pedal and a left foot that hasn’t practiced clutch control in about forever.

So by Monday night I was pretty stressed and ended up eating some vegan-friendly naughties like avocados and Alpro ice cream. On the plus side these things are not nearly as bad as the things I used to eat when I went off plan – I used to have Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food, which is 270 kcals per 100g, whereas the Alpro chocolate and hazelnut flavour is 177 kcals. Which adds up when you are eating a whole tub.

On Tuesday from the moment I left my house I swear everyone was trying to kill me. I went straight ahead at the first roundabout I got to but the person on my right put their foot down, cut across the front of me and took the first exit. I was honestly gobsmacked, and I didn’t even have time to sound the horn. Unfortunately that was a sign of things to come and it’s nothing short of a miracle that I didn’t end up in an accident. I honestly had people coming at me from all directions, and for some of the time I don’t even blame them because as I reached central London there were a shocking amount of instances where road layouts have changed but they’ve just painted over the old markings. You genuinely can’t figure out which ones are even the new ones or where exactly you’re supposed to be!

With the ‘bus’ it only took two trips between London and Essex whereas in my car I reckon we were looking at about six. The downside is that I just ate whatever I wanted last night (houmous, more avocado, crusty bread, sundried tomatoes, dark chocolate, wine…) and I don’t have time to spend hours going out walking or whatever. For one I must spend some quality time with Pea! On the plus side it’s over, and I have nothing stressful in the near or far future to worry about. Plus I did one hell of a workout yesterday lugging huge bags of what I can only assume to be rocks up and down too many flights of stairs to mention.It’s just a shame I forgot to wear my Fitbit!

I don’t like how I let myself get so anxious over all this, and I have a lot to learn from the experience. I’m certainly not perfect but I’m still making progress, because every time I have these slip-ups I do seem to cope with the aftermath a little more sanely.

In any case I’m looking forward to when my sister is properly moved in (y’know, with furniture and stuff) because having her a 20 minute drive away is just going to be great. Especially as there’s an international greengrocer not a five minute walk away from her house so I can have a pomelo whenever I please! If you haven’t had one then I highly recommend you try them. They’re like giant grapefruits that have the grapefruit taste but none of the bitterness. And who knows what other exotic delights I’ll end up trying!

I skipped weigh in last night because I was just too tired and hungry, so the aim for this week is to work hard for either a maintain or some sort of loss, however big or small that may be. I desperately want to keep hold of my 6 stone award so if I want that, I have to earn it!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

Parklife

On Thursday I was thinking to myself how I feel a lot safer in our local park now, and how I should make more trips on my own. I was meeting my brother after he finished work but I left early to have a wander around on my own and to get extra precious steps done. I wasn’t there five minutes before I saw something interesting – a movement caught my eye and I saw what looked like a rat near the lake edge, which scampered away into some reeds when it saw me looking. We have lots of rats in the warehouse where I work and they are a lot darker than the creature I saw, so I checked online and it turns out I was in fact looking at a water vole. I didn’t manage to photograph it because it was just too fast, but I was excited anyway.

I was then lucky enough to see a morehen having a nice swim, and after I took a fairly dreadful photo I moved on in order to do a lap of the lake.

I saw the usual geese, ducks and cootes, but then as I got nearer the other side of the lake I could hear shouting and it sounded very much like the C-word being repeated over and over. As I got closer I realised I was not mistaken, and a clearly drunk man was being urged by some other drunk men to go home. The shouty drunk man was getting more and more aggressive, so once I was a safe distance away I phoned the police. While I was on the phone I stopped to tell a young girl, who was perhaps 9 or 10, not to walk her dog that way. The operator told me they’d send someone out, which seemed reasonable, because the police station is literally a two minute walk from the lake.

I thought about going home and telling my brother to avoid the park, but then I decided that I was not going to be frightened away. So I sat on a bench on the side of the lake opposite shouty man, sent my brother a text telling him which way to come in order to avoid said shouty person, and got my camera out. I just sat taking in the scenery, trying not to pay any attention to the distant cries of the drunk man, and soon enough the appearance of some terns distracted me.

About twenty minutes later my brother arrived, but the police still had not. In fact they didn’t turn up at all, which is rather sad. Eventually the drunk man thankfully went away of his own accord, and as he we saw him in the distance my brother informed me that he’s at the park most evenings, and is always drunk. It seems that the best time to visit this particular park is in the mornings. The only other sighting of note for the rest of the day was one very suspicious duck, swimming in a very, very dirty pond.

After an early night and a lovely sleep I got up at the crack of dawn to go to the hairdressers. I’d been giving it some thought and when I got there I gave my hairdresser (Richard) some rare requests. He usually just suggests things and I agree. This time I wanted it messier, weirder, and with some blue colouring.

3 hours and 40 minutes later…

Oh he did not disappoint! It’s my absolute favourite hair style of all time! He did warn me that the colours may fade pretty quickly, but as the blue fades it should look really nice on its way back to a dark blonde (he had to bleach that section to get the blue to take but it turns out my hair doesn’t respond that well to bleach). The thing I’ve found about Richard’s cuts is that they grow out really well, and as there’s no parting or anything the roots generally don’t show. So even though he’s expensive I do get my money’s worth, I think. And in any case you can’t put a price on how utterly fabulous I feel right now, despite the idiots at work piping up again. One bloke said I look like a Duracell battery, but he said it behind my back so I couldn’t tell him how ridiculous he was being. What a joke!

This morning I went for a walk with my brother straight from work, to try out some new parks nearby. The first one was closed but we could legally park on a nearby road so we went in anyway. It was very, very small, and the ponds had long since dried up, but they do have some beautiful wildflower fields. The main problem was that it’s directly next to a busy A-road. Even in the huge nature reserve near me you can hear the rumble of traffic if you listen hard enough, but this took it to another level. In a way it’s sad, but in another way it’s fantastic that all that wildlife still has a home despite all the traffic. We saw and absolute ton of bugs, birds and butterflies and the birds were extremely vocal the whole time we were there.

The next park we tried was closed too, and there was no possibility of parking nearby at all as it was double yellow lines everywhere. At this point we decided we’d had enough and headed home, but it wasn’t an entirely wasted journey. We now know that we’re not particularly taken by the area and that we’ll venture further afield next time.

My weekend started this morning and although I’m determined not to waste it, if I don’t have a little sleep soon then I’ll be spending the rest of the day resembling a drooling zombie! Therefore I’m not going to toddle off for a much needed nap.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

 

Little Sister

Something that’s been doing the rounds for the last few days is the channel 4 program Super Slimmers: Did They Keep the Weight Off? I don’t normally watch anything like that but after hearing a lot of people talk about it I decided to check it out. And I’m glad I did.

Unsurprisingly, nearly all of the slimmers featured regained nearly all of the weight they’d lost. This is no surprise because haven’t we all done it before? If I added up all the weight I’d lost and regained in the 34 years I’ve been on this earth I’m quite sure the figure would exceed the 50 st mark, easily. What this documentary tells us is that it’s not our fault, and that’s always nice to hear. Just this week my Slimming World consultant messaged me to say ‘don’t let the guilt win’. Imagine that, how much easier would it be to get back on the wagon if we truly could let go of the guilt that comes with a binge. I’ve heard the theory before, but it seems that once we’ve been fat and we lose the weight, our bodies think they need to get that weight back. Y’know, as some sort of evolutionary survival mechanism or whatever (listen to me getting all scientific). So it sends out loads of hormones that make us want to eat, and even makes food taste nicer. So the odds are seriously stacked against us.

At first it all seemed doom and gloom to me, but then I took a number of positives from this program. For one, I’m not just a greedy cow! When I feel like I really must eat a load of rubbish or have one of those days where it feels like nothing, and I mean nothing will fill me up, it’s not simply a lack of self control. I just have a crapload of hunger hormones racing around my bloodstream. Knowing what’s happening may make it easier to come up with strategies when these cravings inevitably appear. Knowledge is power!

Secondly, people out there are working on research that will one day help us dieters. Let’s just hope the evil sugar companies don’t bury the evidence.

Thirdly, the program went into some detail about metabolic problems for people who have lost lots of weight. Dieting can seriously mess up your metabolism, so someone who has lost a lot of weight actually needs less calories than someone of the same build, age, height etc. Which really, really sucks. I mean, how unfair! But this information spawned a plan. One of the people featured in the program was on an eating plan that aims to counteract this metabolic problem (which is still in its early stages and there is no clinical evidence so I won’t be bothering with anything like that just yet) and he actually had his basal metabolic rate properly calculated to see if it was working. I thought to myself that it would be quite interesting when I’m slimmer to see just how many calories my body really does burn at rest. That way I can take a scientific approach to staying slim and try and tip the odds in my favour. I can make sure that I’m eating the right portions and doing the right amount of exercise to stay slim for the rest of my life. I looked into it and you can go to a clinic and get your BMR calculated for about £100. I’d love to go now and have something to compare it to down the line but that seems just a tad frivolous!

Despite all this I must admit I did feel a little bit bummed out after watching it, and tried to think of someone in my own life who has lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off. The answer was right in front of me the whole time- my own little sister! She has been skinny for so long that I forgot she’d ever been big!

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My sister has stayed slim for over ten years now, although she’s never reached a point where she thought ‘OK, I’m stopping, this is exactly the weight I want to be’. In the past she’s seen this as less than ideal, but I’ve found it’s given me new perspective. I’m going to stop trying for a target as such. On this journey there is no ‘end point’, staying healthy and getting slim is something that is going to require daily maintenance for the rest of my life. I have targets that I’m aiming for, but when I get to those I’ll concentrate on maintaining, take a metaphorical deep breath, then decide where I want to go from there.

My little sister has helped me to see that this is not a bad way of doing things. She still has days where she can’t control her eating and will scoff an entire packet of chocolate hobnobs. She still has days where she pigs out on pizza or her favourite nachos and dip. She goes out for meals and cocktails with her friends. But the good days outnumber the bad and she has showed me that it’s possible to stay slim and really live at the same time. And that I can be part of that tiny percentage of people who don’t regain the weight. I’m going to start paying more attention to what the girl who was once a size 22 is doing, that same girl who sent me a text yesterday to say she thought she’d try on a size 8 ‘just to see’ and found that it did. The same girl who once cried when I threw away the bathroom scales because she was becoming obsessed with them, who now can happily look at a 2 lb gain, remember the romantic meal she’d had with her boyfriend, and just knuckle down for the next week. How lucky am I to have that kind of inspiration in my life?

As for me staying on plan today has been relatively easy because I officially have man flu and can’t taste a damn thing. I have a couple of low syn treats in the fridge such as a little pot of The Collective Russian fudge live yoghurt (5.5 syns and DELICIOUS) and some pots of Alpro Go On (1 syn for my favourite blackcurrant flavour), but there’s no point in eating them until I can really enjoy them. As such today has mostly consisted of coffee and fake Heinz tomato soup, which is completely free and the ultimate comfort food.

And now it’s time to get some extra sleep before work which I will brave even though I feel poorly, because clearly I’m just hard like that. But whether I’ll make it through the entire night is anyone’s guess!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

All The Wrong Things

For the last three days I have been stupid. I know we should be kind to ourselves but that right there is the cold, hard truth of it. I had that one meal off plan last Wednesday, and then did a ton of exercise and ate really well to try and make up for it. That part went OK, until on Monday when I had a sneak peek on the scales. They showed that I had gained 8 POUNDS. Any sensible person would say that this was a malfunction of the scales, or at the very least my body has reacted a bit weirdly to all the exercise I did. But instead of listening to the sensible voice in my head I ate a bad dinner because I felt really low. Eventually I decided that I needed to get it out of my system so I got in the car with the intention of going out and getting some proper naughties.

As soon as the car moved I knew something was terribly wrong. The noise was horrendous but it was dark at this point so I just had to go back indoors and wait until morning before I could figure out what to do. As soon as my car goes wrong I go to pieces. If it was just me I had to worry about it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I must have a car for my mum’s sake. There are no two ways about it. So stupid act number two was to storm in the front door and order a pizza and ice cream to be delivered.

Stupid act number three came the next day. My ex came round to have a look at the car (he’s something of a petrol head) and diagnosed the problem without even lifting the bonnet or starting the car. By the time he’d finished the cup of tea I’d made him he had sourced a part, arranged to pick it up the following day, and arranged for a mobile mechanic to fit the part the day after. Words could not express my gratitude but as is our way when we help each other out, he just told me to shut up as soon as I tried to thank him. After that was sorted I still felt bad so I went to Lidl’s and bought a load of crappy food. So much so that I spent most of Tuesday feeling sick. What a crazy thing to do! What did I hope that would achieve?

Then yesterday it was time to go to London to visit my sister and get vegan goodies. Again I overate but we did do a load of walking. I just felt a little hollow, because I had been really excited to go on the train without feeling like I shouldn’t inflict my fatness on the person sitting next to me.

In reality despite all the rubbish I’ve eaten I’m sure to look at me the change is imperceptible. Or at least it would be if I hadn’t got home and eaten an entire coffee and walnut cake…

This three-day-binge has really shaken me because I thought I was past all this. I thought I had everything cracked, and one bad mood that I couldn’t shake set me off on a course that could quite easily see me gain back all the weight I’ve lost in a scarily short amount of time.

I cannot, nay, will not allow myself to end up back where I started! I’ve been there too many times. Bad moods happen all the time, I just have to find a way to deal with it when I feel particularly bad. It’s not like the world bloody ended- my car broke and I put on a few pounds. Big bloody deal!

Onto the positives – an awfully nice chap came to sort my car out this morning. I actually have a lot to be grateful for. The part and repairs cost me £190 but it could have been a lot worse.

This spring is the part of my car that broke. As the spring is always under tension it just so happened to snap while the car was sitting on the drive. If it had gone while I was driving, it could have embedded itself in my tyre or even worse, cut through the brake lines. Now THAT would be something to stress about.

I did have a good time with my sister yesterday despite not feeling 100%. Just lately I have been craving meat somewhat so I was really happy to try out a totally vegan KFC substitute at Temple of Hackney.

It. Was. Delicious! But as you can see not at all Slimming World friendly. Neither were the espresso Martini’s for that matter! On the plus side we did walk everywhere and clocked up 23,000 steps in the process.

I think I just need a little perspective. Although I can put away quite a bit of food when I put my mind to it, at the end of the day it’s only been a total of four days off plan this month. When I’ve had trouble in the past I’ve just buried my head in the sand, avoided weighing myself completely, and before I know it I have a mountain to climb again. The fact that I’m here, admitting to it and trying to make sense of it, really is progress.

I’ve been so happy up until now. From Sunday I’m back on my normal department at work, the cold that I acquired yesterday will be a thing of the past and with a bit of routine back in my life I can crack on and steam ahead towards my 4 st award. It may be a little further away than it was last week, but I’ll still get there.

Hayley x

Feeders

Does anyone know what has happened to the sky this morning? Because I certainly haven’t seen it! It’s taken me a couple of hours to get going today, and I think it’s because all I can see outside is gray, gray and more gray. I reckon the dementors are out in force…

img_2649Last night I went round my dad’s for dinner as planned, and to begin with him and his girlfriend were fairly good about not putting too much temptation in my way. At heart though, they are still the relentless feeders they always were. My brother is quite a fussy eater of late so he requested pizza. I asked for Linda McCartney rosemary and red onion sausages and Actifry chips. What my brother ended up getting was a 20″ pizza, Actifry chips, a salad and an entire garlic baguette. There was easily enough for the four of us in his meal alone! After being asked three times if I was absolutely sure my sausages didn’t need to be covered in oil there was a lengthy debate over which baking tray should be used. Eventually they got the damn things in the oven and I was asked if I wanted beans. So at least they were offering me Free Foods for the time being, but boy it’s hard work with them!

As mentioned in my previous post I’ve been looking forward to trying Actifry chips as everyone I know who has had them raves about them. My honest opinion is don’t even bother! My ordinary oven baked Slimming World chips are far superior and take half the time to cook.

After dinner I was offered cheese and crackers, but it was low fat cheese so that’s OK, right? I had to use all the control I had not to roll my eyes at this. Then I was offered mince pies and cream, at which point I actually shouted ‘for God’s sake will you stop trying to feed me please!’ But in a jokey way, I wasn’t actually mean!

My dad was pretty pleased with himself as he’s lost 9lbs and ‘didn’t drink for four days’ (room for improvement there I think) but I wonder how far his healthy eating will take him as he’s pretty clueless. For instance he explained that he’d got dead sea salt because it’s healthy. And maybe it is, if you WASH WITH IT! But is it going to make you lose weight? That’ll be a no…

The last week was so long and stressful I’m glad it’s over, but I’m filled with dread of what’ll come next. On the plus side I’m going picking for four weeks which means working on another department. I’m glad to be away from my managers for a while and on a department where things are just a lot simpler, and I’ll be a lot more active too. When I was a temp I used to get sent to this department regularly, but as a permanent member of staff I didn’t go so often. The last time I went was in April last year, and over the Christmas period I was dreading the thought of going. This is because you have to wear a pack around your waist that communicates with the servers and tells you where in the warehouse you need to go next. Having to wear it used to make me so uncomfortable and self-conscious but now I’m looking forward to it because I did my measurements last week – since October I have lost over 5 inches from around my waist! I also have tons more energy so being on my feet all night shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Bring it on, I say!

If there are any goings on with upper management, the Union, HR or whatever in the coming week, my plan is to get the details and not think about it until I’m home, feeling calm, and can get my thoughts in order. I don’t want to make any snap decisions or react badly to what they say, as it’ll just make them dig their heels in if I do that. Deciding now how I want to deal with it should help when the time comes. Until then I have one day of my weekend left and group to look forward to tomorrow. I think just maybe I’ve done enough to avoid a gain, but I’ll just have to wait and see! If I do have a gain I’ll be pleased to get it out of the way so I can have a week of being 100%. The not knowing is the worst part, because then you have it hanging over your head the entire week.

I will let you know how I get on!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x