Duality

Every time I want to write about something positive I feel I have to start with a disclaimer, but I decided that from today I’m going to let go of that guilt. After a quick disclaimer of course! I’ve been spending a lot of time on Twitter recently, which comes with a disclaimer all of its own. Twitter is a funny old platform, it seems to inspire so much hatred and bile in the people who use it. I don’t post much myself, but even the people I follow who post about the most seemingly innocuous things – even flowers – will end up being targets for the trolls.

It can be a mine of information though, if used carefully, and one person I follow is also one of my favourite Instagram people, Michelle Elman. She very helpfully put into words what I’ve been trying to say but couldn’t.

You can see the thread on Twitter/follow her here, follow her on Instagram here, or even go and buy her book here. I highly recommend doing all three.

So yes, that. Just because I’m trying to focus on small, positive things (because that’s what helps me personally) that make me happy doesn’t mean that I’m not simultaneously experiencing a whole load of other less pleasant emotions. Let’s just make space for the good stuff too.

One of my happiest moments from the weekend came in the form of a message from my sister. Newton’s brother’s owners found him through Instagram and sent a message, which I think is possibly the sweetest thing I’ve heard in a long, long time.

I really hope I get to meet him one day! It’s also crazy how their colouring is so different yet they look so alike. Flipping adorable.

Saturday was a good day. I spent the early afternoon in the garden doing a little prep for the evening, as me and the little brother had a plan. We had a dead tree cut down a while ago, so of course a little bonfire was in order.

Whilst collecting old paving stones to make a little fire pit I took my time looking at all the smaller details in the garden. A not-so-small find was a massive earthworm that actually frightened me a bit when I first saw it. I haven’t seen a worm that big since I was a kid. I did what any rational adult would do – put it in a pot, took it to show my brother, then released it back into the wild. He suggested putting it in a pie and feeding it to my mum, which yes, would have been hilarious, but she’d also never forgive us.

Mooching around in the garden done, I went for a small nap and waited for darkness. Fires are always better at night, and in any case I’m bloody loving nap time lately.

You’d think that living together and not going out would mean me and the ‘little’ bro (he’s fast approaching 30 and is taller than me) wouldn’t have much to talk about, but we were out in the garden for hours. Me with a bottle of red wine, and him with a couple of bottles of beer I’d secretly bought him as a gift for this very occasion. I am a good sister.

We’re quite similar in that we enjoy burning stuff (not in the arson kind of way) and we love companionable silence. As such he’s an excellent fireside buddy – plenty of time was also spent just watching the flames and enjoying the warmth. It was a very wholesome evening, especially as I got to play with long exposures. It’s such great fun, and you don’t need anything fancy to give it a go. Well, unless you count having an iPhone as being particularly fancy. Which I suppose it is when you consider the cost…

Anyway, if you take a live photo and then open the picture in your gallery, you can scroll down and choose long exposure. Then the picture on the left will turn into something like the picture on the right.

Or if you happen to have a DSLR handy, you can do something like this…

Cool, huh?

At the end of the night we hadn’t burned the house down so we extinguished the fire (we really got some heat going – it took three large watering cans before it stopped sizzling) and went to bed feeling pleasantly fuzzy.

Drinking alcohol is DEFINITELY something I don’t want to make a habit of during lockdown. I felt really anxious on Sunday and the bottle of wine was probably why, plus I’ve had a massive five pound gain. My next goal is to get into the 14 stone bracket, which is a hefty 12 pounds away now. We absolutely plan make a fire again (I’m going to try to source some veggie marshmallows in the meantime), but I’m going to wait until I’ve achieved that goal first for sure.

It helps me to have structure and something to aim for.

Now we’re in a new week I’m going to spend the entire 7 days on plan and carry on edging slowly towards my goals. I’ll keep you posted.

Take care,

Hayley x