Worse then Better

Do you know what? I’ve really been struggling over the last week. My anxiety has been playing up a bit, even though I went to the doctors the week before last to talk about coming off my medication. I was feeling so much better up until now. My doctor has reduced the dose, and I’m going to stick with it because life is always going to get in the way, and I still feel like I can handle it.

If it weren’t for the fact that my concentration is seriously suffering these days, which I think is a side effect from the anti-depressants (along with a few others that I’d like to get rid of), then I would be quite happy to just keep taking them. But something’s amiss and if I can find ways to cope without them, that’s what I’d rather do. Plus I’ll save myself £9 or whatever it is on my prescription!

Up until last week I’ve barely had any time for myself, so since the end of November I’ve done hardly any exercise at all. I’m not exaggerating – it’s not a case of ‘well I could squeeze in a workout if I tried…’  Every spare second I had went to preparing food or trying to sleep.

This week my routine, especially regarding Steve, has changed due to changes in living arrangements and work commitments. Although I’m seeing less of him and of course I really miss him, I was planning to use the time to catch up on sleep.

It didn’t work out.

For one I was incredibly stupid and spent my entire weekend cleaning and sorting without taking a break, then when I had time to sleep, I found I couldn’t. Typical.

I started to feel a little bit overwhelmed with everything until yesterday when finally something clicked. Lately my number one priority has been energy conservation. I’ve put off getting back into exercise because I thought it was best to rest, which sounds good in theory, but in reality it has the opposite effect. The less I do, the worse I sleep, the hungrier I get, the more depressed I feel…

The frustrating thing is I know all this, but I kind of got swept up in everything. It happens after all.

So today I forced myself to get out of bed (rather than laying awake feeling increasingly frustrated at the fact I’m not sleeping) and walked into town and back. I took some oats with me with the intention of feeding the huge flock of geese that normally hang out in the park, but on this occasion they were absent.

The lake was recently dredged and a body found after a poor chap went missing over Christmas, so I suppose that might have scared them off for now. The swans were in residence though, and they did not seem to mind getting the pick of the oats.

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It felt really good to get out, and now I’m feeling the right kind of tired, if that makes sense. I’ll be off to bed shortly for a nice long sleep before work. Heaven!

I haven’t been eating right for the most of the year so far, so fueling my body properly is also a huge priority. Hopefully the exercise will help with my cravings and there will be no more slip ups. That’s the plan anyway.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

It Had to Happen

Would someone please press the pause button, just for a minute? Time is whizzing past faster than ever and I can’t keep up.

Last week wasn’t exactly a write-off, but I didn’t do much of note and it has really affected my mood. Probably the one redeeming factor is that yesterday I finally WENT FOR A RUN!

It was brilliant, I have missed it so much. First of all I had to get my running gear out of the loft, only to find that my favourite running leggings (size XL from H&M) are all too big. Four pairs of them!

But when I bought them, I did think ahead and ordered one pair in a large. I tried them on at the time and although I could get them up they were uncomfortably tight. Not now though, they fit perfectly!

I also got a load of other clothes down from the loft while I was at it, which was all stuff that I was convinced I’d be able to use for another summer. Wow, was I selling myself short. It’s all miles too big now, and as I’m skint I’m going to try selling it all. As if this wasn’t enough I went on a charity shop crawl on Saturday and found a lovely long coat, which was also really good quality. It was in a size 16 and it wasn’t just too big, it was ridiculously too big. I found a 14 in another shop which fit perfectly, but I didn’t like it so left it on the rail. It made me feel pretty awesome though.

Anyway, back to the running. Although I felt fab indoors, looking back on a picture taken while I was out makes me think I didn’t look as good as I originally thought I did. Either way I’m still really pleased with my progress so I’m not going to dwell on it.

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I did do a pose in front of the mirror when I got back and initially thought it was cheating, but it still shows progress, because my ‘cheat poses’ have never made me look that slim before!

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Ah, I’m probably just being over-critical.

As for the actual run, now that was progress. Not in terms of speed or distance, but the fact that I have managed to retain so much of my fitness despite not running for months is bloody brilliant.

I had to take it easy because of my knee (so far so good) and I need to build back up to the level I was at, but compared to how I was when I first started… I am unrecognisable from that person now. When I started running back in February, the first thing to give up was my lungs – I’d be so out of breath that I couldn’t carry on. Now it’s my muscles that give up first, and even then only when I’m going up a crazy steep hill.

During the week I did fairly well with not weighing myself, but I wasn’t perfect. This week I’m aiming for no sneak peeks AT ALL. That’s goal number one.

Goal number two is to get as many speeding tickets as possible. Yes, you did read that right, and no, it’s not what you think.

My consultant set us a fabulously fun challenge this week to help with our weight loss. Every time we post a picture of our meals on our group’s Facebook page showing 1/3 visible speed food, we get one of these speeding tickets:

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The person who gets the most tickets wins a fiver to spend in the shop, but to be honest I think it’s such a great idea I’d still be taking part even if there wasn’t a prize at the end.

This week I really will need to be super focused, because I have had (shock, horror) an undeserved gain.

Personally I think it’s my body levelling out again after last week’s surprise 6.5lb loss, but another factor could be yesterday’s run because my leg muscles are really hurting and may be retaining water.

It could be something has slipped into my diet without me realising, so I’ll be keeping a proper food diary this week just in case.

I can’t say for sure what’s caused it, but what I do know is that 6lbs off overall in two weeks is certainly nothing to be complaining about! I’ve only ever had one totally undeserved gain before and it completely derailed me, but I’m in this for life now so it’s about time I learned how to deal with these situations.

All I have to do really is carry on exactly as I have been, and everything will be fine. I do want to get more exercise in this week, but only because it makes me feel good and not because I think it has anything to do with my gain. It’s all about the food people!

I’ve pledged to try for 3lbs off next week, and I’d say I’m in with a good chance.

I also need to get more sleep as for two days last week I had less than four hours, which is less than ideal.

Hopefully this week will be a bit more balanced and I’ll actually have something to write about, so expect more posts than last week.

As ever, thanks for reading,

Hayley x

Fresh!

Today I have been planning the freshest of starts. I was mulling it all over in my head at work and after a lot of thought I have decided to start afresh with my blog.

The reason for this is that, eventually, I want to go fully public. Or rather, I don’t want to actively hide it from people I know. I want to be able to share it with anyone I want to. I’d like to begin by letting my wonderful Slimming World group know it exists, because they are a special bunch of people.

When I first started the blog I kept it anonymous so, as long as I didn’t name names, I could say pretty much anything I felt like. It was nothing bad, I just never had to filter my thoughts. At the time it was a fantastic form of therapy and I’m so glad I had that outlet.

I’d probably be absolutely fine keeping all of my old posts, but I’d hate to inadvertently upset someone I care about (or even someone I don’t care about for that matter), so from now on I’ll be posting with it in my head that anyone could be reading it.

Two years ago this would mean me not sharing things like starting weights and pictures of myself, but I’m not that person any more. I feel sad at how I felt when I was at my biggest, but I absolutely do not feel ashamed. I also used to worry that it would appear vain to post selfies and celebrate weight loss milestones and non-scale victories, but my point of view on that has done a complete 180.

I LOVE seeing people’s successes and it helps me to show mine. If it helps other people then that’s even better!

What I’ll do soon is write a post about how I got to this point and leave it as a permanent, separate page for anyone confused about why this blog seemingly just popped out of nowhere, but apart from that it’s just business as usual.

It’s been a while since I last posted, but there isn’t a huge amount to catch up on because this week has not been all that exciting.

I’ve still been really tired so I’ve been taking care of myself and getting extra sleep. I found my concentration was slipping at work, and since I drive a 5 ton forklift truck it could be dangerous so I had to do something about that. I’m all caught up now and I’m back on form, so it was clearly the right thing to do.

It’s been cold at work so I’ve been wearing my salopettes every day. I can feel how differently they fit – there’s definitely a lot more space in there than there was this time last year! I’m not sure it shows in these pictures though, because I can’t look at them objectively. One thing I think you can see, is that the elasticated bit at the back is no longer stretched out tight. I’m pretty darn pleased about that.

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All I can really see though is how dirty they look. I swear I’ve scrubbed them and they’re clean, I just need to look for some vegan stain remover!

My exercise has suffered again this week, but yesterday I was out and about again and normal service has been resumed. This time I was with my little brother and sister.

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This is a little village called Finchingfield, which my brother frequents often because it’s a bit of a hub for motorcyclists. He’s never been to explore though, and looking at the pictures I’ve just remembered we were supposed to visit the windmill. Oh well, we’ll just have to go back…

We had a walk planned that I found online, but it was way out of date and the route we were supposed to be following no longer existed. It took a while for us to realise that. We were still out for a good few hours and got a good bit of walking done, and it’s always nice to catch up properly with your siblings.

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We stopped off at a pub for some lunch but (thankfully on this occasion) they didn’t have a single vegan option. My brother and sister are both vegetarian so ordered the only veggie option, which they really enjoyed, and having come prepared I tucked into my Pink Lady.

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I really didn’t want to go off plan, and I wasn’t even that hungry, so I was more than happy with my little apple. I also had some corn-on-the-cobs which I snacked on later, so it was no problem. Plus I saved some money.

I’d only had two hours sleep after my night shift, driven an hour each way to get to Finchingfield and done 20k steps, but once home I got changed and headed back out to visit that special someone.

This is where my planning paid off, because I already had dinner sorted. I just had to open the tub and stick a fork in. If I hadn’t had something ready, who even knows what I would have eaten, because I certainly wasn’t in the mood for cooking.

I may have been less active over the last couple of weeks, but the food is is the most important part. You can’t out-exercise a bad diet.

After a whole week on plan I’m feeling quite confident about weigh in tonight, so fingers crossed I get a good result.

I’ll update you tomorrow!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x