Ohhhhhh Dear

This is a bit of a shameful post. I thought about not writing it. I considered doing a ‘boy, Friday night was messy!’ kind of blog and leaving it at that. But that’s not really me, I want to be as honest as possible.

I very rarely go ‘out out’ so after a couple of hours in bed Friday morning I got up to start preparing for the evening. Most of the day was spent waiting for coats of nail varnish to dry, so much so that despite having hours and hours to get ready I was still in a mad rush and left the house slightly late. I still managed to smudge the varnish on one damn nail though! This is why I don’t usually bother with the stuff…

Normally when I go out, especially if I’m meeting new people, I end up drinking too much because I’m nervous. Friday was very different though, despite the fact that I knew I was meeting about twenty new people all in one go.

These last couple of weeks my confidence has gone through the roof. I’ve been talking to some of the new people at work without giving it a second thought, and I’ve had some great conversations with shop workers and other customers which would normally make me feel excruciatingly uncomfortable. Something has just clicked and I feel so much more outgoing. So if I drank too much (which I totally did) it wasn’t because I was nervous.

Thankfully I was not the only one who was running late, so when I got to my friend’s house and he’d only just got out of the shower, we made the decision to be late on purpose (AKA fashionably late).

While he was finishing up I poured myself a glass of wine and put on THE DRESS.

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There are better pictures of me (this one is a little blurry) but my grin is the biggest in this one and I wanted to show how happy I was.

I. Felt. Fabulous!

When we left I wasn’t drunk by any means, but walking into the restaurant was awesome. Because we were the last two to arrive everyone was already seated on one massive table, and as we walked in we were actually greeted to a huge uproar of cheers. They were for my friend, because I only knew three of the group after all, but I could feel everyone’s eyes on me all the same. Normally I’d hate that, but I felt so good I strode across the room feeling like some sort of rock star!

After sitting down I launched into conversations with the strangers around me but very dangerously, a whole bottle of wine was plonked down in front of me. After that, I have huge gaps where I don’t remember anything at all, and that’s where things go downhill.

Not that I’d know any differently, but thankfully I managed to hold things together until we left the restaurant. Once out I was very, very poorly, to the point where once we were home I went out into the garden and fell asleep on the ground. When my friend woke me up shortly after, I couldn’t even stand up. I was in that much of a state. If I’d had to get home on my own, I dread to think what would have happened to me.

The really scary thing is that usually if I’m going on a bender I choose to drink a lot. Not that I do these days, it’s obviously not worth it. The last time I did that was in 2016 and I had no intention of repeating that. But this just sort of… happened.

I think the main problem was that because the drink was just flowing around me I wasn’t conscious of how much I was drinking. If I had been ordering individual drinks things might have been different. But there’s also the fact that I seem to have turned into a complete and utter lightweight. It didn’t occur to me at the time, but since I’ve been doing so well with the weight loss I’m down 1.5 STONE since the last time I had so much as half a glass of wine, and 8 stone down since the last time I drank a significant amount. I clearly can’t handle it anymore.

I really should have thought of all this before, but at least I know now for next time. I’m out for a meal on the 16th of December, and when that comes around I shall insist upon a GLASS of wine and nothing more.

So there we have it. There’s nothing to be proud of about getting in such a state and believe me I’m absolutely sure I’ve learned my lesson. That’s why I had to let you know what I did – if I did something I’m ashamed of I should share that as much as I should share the good bits, and you should know I’m also being completely honest when I say I’m not going to do that again.

So what about the food? Again, honesty is key. I had a couple of sandwiches when I got in from work Friday morning, because although I tried hard to fight it I still had some of that ‘if I’m having a day off now is the time to eat some bread’ mentality. For lunch I had some very yummy vegan chicken nuggets from Tesco which are 1 syn each but I ate 16, followed by a vegan flapjack, but the only other food I had for the rest of the day was a couple of bites of my meal at the restaurant.

I had ordered veg tagine with couscous, and I was sober enough when the food came to remember that it was awful. Again, if I’d had a yummy meal maybe I would have actually eaten it and it would have soaked up some of the booze. How can a restaurant manage to get something I can whip up at home in minutes so utterly wrong?

I had planned to get up early Saturday morning and go for an epic walk, but I was in no fit state. Eventually I managed to keep down some beans on toast, but the rest of the day wasn’t on plan. I didn’t eat much, but I did avoid letting it seep into today (and not by any willpower on my part).

Deliveroo is now available in my area so I got on there and ordered two vegan pizzas from Pizza Express, one for dinner and one for my work lunch. As luck would have it 2.5 hours later my food still hadn’t arrived so I cancelled the order and had 6 crumpets for dinner. Not great, but still better than TWO pizzas.

I didn’t end up staying at work as my manager mercifully let me go home, so I didn’t have work lunch at all. From a mental perspective this is hugely important. Because I have my work lunch after midnight, psychologically speaking it would be hard for me to spend today on plan if I’d had something bad, because technically Sunday would already be ‘ruined’. It’s silly, yes, but that’s how my mind works. Or doesn’t, as the case may be.

That means the line is now drawn and I’m completely back on plan. I’m also feeling a little more human after a solid 8 hours sleep.

I suppose my night out was a game of two halves. From what I do remember I had a brilliant time, and I’m just so glad that I managed not to ruin anyone’s night. That’s more luck than judgement though.

Today I’ll be mostly making a plan of action for the month ahead, because although I’m a little late already I love a fresh new month and sitting down to think about the things to come.

You can be sure I’ll blog about that soon!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x