I Still Didn’t

What an awful week. For the first three days I was perfectly on plan, getting more organised and feeling positive, but then something terrible happened.

Just over five years ago my sister’s boyfriend got a tiny little parrot (a pacific parrotlet, similar to Pea) called Kiwi. It’s really hard to describe to anyone who hasn’t met a friendly parrot what they are like, because no words can really quite convey how amazing they are.

I’m just going to leave this little video right here, because it speaks volumes I think.

I thought I’d include this one as well to show you her feisty side. I was bird-sitting, which she really wasn’t happy about. Bird body-language is quite easy to read, and as you can probably imagine she is saying ‘I would give anything right now to bite the absolute eff out of you’.

On Wednesday evening I got a call from my sister, which is never a good sign as we are texters through and through, to say that Kiwi was badly hurt. That’s the thing about these little birds. Pea is rather shy and reserved but in general parrotlets are ridiculously inquisitive and often get themselves into trouble. Pea has had a couple of visits to the vets already where she’s managed to hurt herself despite all of the bird-proofing I’ve done.

Kiwi was in a bad way but we couldn’t get her to a specialist vet until the next morning. After her vet appointment everything seemed very positive and she really perked up, but as these birds are so, so fragile everything can change in an instant. By Friday evening she was gone.

As you can imagine we are all heartbroken, but my sister and her boyfriend especially so. I’d say Kiwi was like one of the family, but truth is she was family. My little bird-niece.

Since Wednesday almost everything I’ve eaten has been crap that I’ve picked up purely out of convenience. I should have caught up on sleep this week but I haven’t been able to stay asleep (case in point, I was exhausted last night but inexplicably woke up at 4am and have been up since then) so I’ve been exceptionally lazy where it comes to food.

I haven’t even really wanted the rubbish I’ve been eating, the one exception being lunch yesterday.

Steve and I had a meal booked in with his family that was arranged weeks ago, but as is so often the case (especially when there is a big group of people involved) things didn’t quite go to plan. When we got there we did a headcount and there were 12 of us, but the table booked was for 10. Oops.

They couldn’t squeeze us in so Steve and I offered to go and find somewhere else to eat, which was fine by me because I’d looked into another pub just round the corner while I was investigating vegan options and I thought it would be right up my street. Also we’d be meeting the family back at his mum’s house later on so we wouldn’t have to miss out on catching up with everyone.

I was right – the pub was absolutely lovely. Being so close to Christmas everywhere seems to be fully booked but we were able to sneak on to a reserved table as long as we were out by 3:30. We had an hour-and-a-half which was perfect for us.

As it happens we ended up sitting at the best and most sought-after table in the room, we had fast service as they needed us to eat our dinner before the next people got there, and the food was absolutely spectacular.

My nut roast was so succulent – I’d love to know their secret, and Steve absolutely loved his sticky toffee pudding. After eating although there was still time to hang around we left the table and relaxed in comfy chairs in front of a wood burner.

The day started with potential disaster but ended up as absolute perfection.

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I was just sitting here thinking about having a week on plan without any social events to trip me up when I got a message asking me out for dinner one day. In this instance it’s a chain restaurant (albeit a nice one) so at least I can look up exactly what I’ll be having beforehand. I’m also designated driver and I’m working that night anyway so no drinking for me.

Tonight will see me facing another gain on the scales, and although it’s our group’s Christmas party and I really want to go to that, I also really don’t want to go to group either. You could say I’m feeling a little bit conflicted! However I know that once I’ve had my weigh in I’ll start to feel better and I can enjoy the evening.

I just have to focus on the good.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

Facing the Music

Yesterday I didn’t make as much progress with my crafts as I would have liked. In fact my latest project took four times as long to complete than I anticipated so I am currently quite far behind. I finished one thing this afternoon though and on the plus side it turned out insanely better than I thought it would. I think its recipient will be well and truly chuffed.

While I was working I brought Pea with me and she ventured out to explore the living room for the first time ever, then sat on my shoulder and watched what I was doing. That’s a perfect afternoon right there.

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Yesterday’s weigh in wasn’t as disastrous as I thought it would be. After two weeks between weigh-ins, I gained 5.5 lbs, which for me is practically nothing. I honestly thought it would be at least 8.

I hope I can get that all off be next week, but even if I don’t I’m already excited about group next week. It’s our Christmas party and just like with Dress Like an Elf Day, I’m dressing up and I don’t care if no one else does.

Another exciting thing is that we get our new member packs on Christmas Eve, along with all new stickers for our books. When I rejoined although my consultant offered to give me all of them, I only put new stickers on my book. If I’m honest I did regret it afterwards. Now I can cover my whole book with all of my shiny stickers and I can’t wait. I know, I’m easily pleased!

I’m back feeling focused again which is great, and I even tried a new recipe (Slimming World chicken Waldorf salad) for the first time in an age. I just swapped the chicken for Iceland No Chick strips (Free) and Greek yoghurt for Tesco Free From unsweetened soya yoghurt (also Free).

To keep me on track I’m posting more on Instagram, plus filling in an old-school food diary that my consultant will check for me next Monday just to check no bad habits have crept in without me even realising.

Finally, the main tree is up in the living room and everything is right in the world.

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Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

Party Time

Let’s start off with a little big confession. I had the best plan – I worked out how many days I’d be off plan in December and tried to concentrate on being spot on every other day. Then Sunday happened.

I’ve got to admit that, last week especially, I’ve been doing too much and pushing myself to the limit. Several days I had less than four hours sleep, was doing a night shift (and working hard) whilst trying to make the most of seeing my, eek, boyfriend AND doing fun things with the family.

Speaking of which, I’d like to introduce you to someone.

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This is Steve, and he’s the person who was training me back in February, going on holiday with me in May and generally spending all of his time with me. Thankfully he’s now realised how awesome I am and well, we’re inseparable now.

Anyway, you’ll undoubtedly be seeing more of him, but for now lets get on with things. On Saturday instead of spending the day in bed like I should have I was out of the house by 10am to drive my brother to get his tattoo done. The place was just around the corner from my sister’s, so I hung out with her as he’d be spending pretty much the whole day there.

My sister would have been totally fine with me spending the day asleep, but where’s the fun in that? Instead (after a spot of shopping and a trip to Costa Coffee) we did calligraphy practice, and I’m really happy with the results.

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Nice and festive!

In the afternoon I had to relent and went for a nap, and as soon as my head hit the pillow I was gone. The next thing I knew, it was all dark and someone was shaking me. I jumped out of my skin, and so did my sister who had been trying to wake me up for quite a while and believed that I was dead. My brother’s tattoo was finished (which looks absolutely SPECTACULAR by the way) and it was time to go home.

I managed another hour before work, but having about five hours sleep for the whole day, broken into three parts, is less than ideal.

On Sunday morning after work I slept for 2.5 hours before getting up for more fun stuff. I’d invited my sister over for family Christmas craft day with my mum and brother. It’s not really my brother’s cup of tea normally but I told him it was compulsory.

I’ll go into a bit more detail about what we got up to in another post because I’m really disorganised today and don’t have access to the photos I took.

Anyway, after popping to the shops for a GIANT Americano, Steve picked me up so that we could go to Lakeside. Lakeside is a HUGE shopping centre, which is generally hell on earth, and even more so at weekend’s. But he needed a new battery for his phone which we couldn’t get on a Sunday anywhere else, so we had to brave it.

The shops were rammed and the heating was set to ‘tropical’, so by the time it came to grab some food (from M&S, how fancy) I just wanted to get out of there. I was hot, tired, a bit stressed and damn well HUNGRY.

When I spotted the M&S vegan Christmas sandwich, well, I couldn’t resist. The thing about sandwiches is, well, they’re made of bread. I haven’t had bread for months, and do you know why that is? When I have bread, it totally sets me off.

In my weakened state I didn’t stop to consider that.

When we got back home we ended up having no small amount of wine and an impromptu little living-room party. Which was awesome, but not exactly sensible. 

Since then I’ve been craving bread like nothing on earth which has sent me off the rails. I had to skip weigh in yesterday because I just didn’t have the damn time, so I must admit it has carried on to today.

Tomorrow though, I’m going to be good. Not just good, I’m going to absolutely perfect until I go out for a birthday celebration on Saturday. I have so many things planned between now and the new year, that gains are now inevitable, and we are now into damage limitation territory.

I’m not overly concerned though. As long as I go cold turkey from now on and stay away from bread, which I honestly need to cut out of my life completely, then things should get easier again. Plus there’s no reason why I should miss weigh in between now and… the foreseeable future, so I’m all good.

I keep shifting the goalposts when it comes to my Christmas goals, and for now it’s just to stay in the 12 stone bracket, which I think I can do. I’ll try my best anyway!

Already though although I’m looking forward to all of the events leading up to it and Christmas day itself, I’m also super excited about the new year and really smashing my goals. It’s going to be bloody brilliant.

Now I must pop off and get my dinner, and honestly, once I’ve eaten a giant vegan-friendly mince pie from Co-op, I swear I’ll be good.

Scout’s honour.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

Short Arms

After Sunday’s run I’ve been feeling really good – it’s given me the energy boost that I’ve sorely needed over the last couple of weeks. I haven’t had any problems with my knee at all, so I’m going to try to do another run on Friday. Since I have so much to do, my recovery has come at the exact right time. It means I can get the same benefits from 30 minutes of running that it takes an hour-and-a-half to achieve by walking alone.

That’s not to say I won’t keep up with the walking though, because apart from the fact that I really enjoy it, I still can’t bring myself to drive into town even when I am short on time.

I had to go into town anyway to return some things, but after my Tuesday shift at work I knew that wasn’t the only reason I’d be going.

First of all I bumped into a day manager who I used to work with on nights. I’ve known him for years and years, and I was greeted with a ‘bloody hell Hayley, you’re wasting away!’ I never quite know how to take those comments, because it’s not exactly a compliment as such, but since it’s ambiguous I can choose how to take it.

‘THANK YOU!’ I replied, and (after prompting) I revealed my current loss. I was then treated to a great big hug, a well done, and a kiss on the cheek.

Secondly I did something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time. I approached a good work friend of mine who is also slim, image conscious, and prone to the more ‘Photo-shopped-looking’ kind of lady. I asked if he could please tell me when he thinks I’m skinny, because I trust his opinion, and also trust him to be honest whilst still considering my feelings. The reason I asked is that I still genuinely have no idea what I really look like.

I was looking at some old pictures the other day and although I was unhappy with my appearance (understatement of the year perhaps?) I didn’t see how bad it really was. Stumbling across old pictures was nothing short of truly shocking, but also raised the question – even now, am I still in denial?

However without missing a beat he replied ‘now!’ Bless him! I was wearing a baggy top though so in the new year (after making some more progress, hopefully) he’s going to tell me what he thinks. It’ll be interesting to get a reasonably impartial viewpoint since my own is so utterly skewed.

How I appear is one thing, but what size I am is now undeniable. After all that I knew a trying-on session was needed, so I spent Wednesday afternoon visiting every single shop in the town centre that sells women’s clothing.

One of the highlights was going into River Island. The last time I looked in there, even their newly-released plus-size range didn’t come close to fitting me. Just to get an idea of how I’m doing, I picked up a few of the snuggest-fitting items I could try.

These are ‘bodycon’ dresses, which I’ve always wanted to wear because they are always plentiful, come in a huge variety and are generally cheap. But they don’t leave a huge amount to the imagination so after I’d lost about 6 stone and still wouldn’t dream of wearing one, I started to believe that it would just never happen.

Looking at the pictures from yesterday though… I’m starting to believe. I’m not that far off (I think) so a few more pounds and a good pair of control panties and the bodycon world will be my oyster!

On top of that I realised it was the first time I’d ever set foot in the River Island changing rooms.

In Debenhams I tried on a jumpsuit for the first time ever, but apart from the fact it was miles too short and in the most clingy, unflattering fabric, I still think they might not be for me. I’m not ruling it out though. Who the hell even knows what the future will bring?

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I tried on a fancy purple velvet dress, just for fun, but there was a definite curtain vibe going on. Does mother know you weareth her drapes?

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I had fun trying stuff on, but I didn’t end up buying anything. Then I decided I wanted a fancy coat that I can wear over one of my nice dresses. Hmm, sounds simple doesn’t it? On the plus side I had a huge non-scale victory. Every single size 16 I tried on was absolutely massive on me. Win!

On the flip side, when you go down to a size 14 it seems that manufacturers assume people who are a size 14 all have very short arms. I swear to you, I tried on a coat in every single shop, and it was the same everywhere.

So yay for size 14, boo for short arms. When I went in Peacocks and an assistant asked me if I needed help, I actually asked if they had any coats for a woman who has the arms of an orangutan. He laughed, but wasn’t able to help.

Later on I spoke to my sister and she reminded me of the tall range from ASOS, so today I had a nice delivery of two size 14 coats I found in the sale with 50% off. They were long enough in the sleeves, but miles too big. I was getting a bit of an ‘old lady’ feeling off of them too.

Sigh.

For now, I’m giving up. I only have one night out where I’m wearing a dress but I should only need to go from the car to a nice warm pub, so I’ll just make do with what I have for now.

It’s a pain in the bum, but still pretty awesome when it comes down to it!

I’ve still been super busy, but I’ve been doing great with staying on plan during these times. Last night I didn’t have a dinner prepared and didn’t have much indoors, so I roasted some veg, stuck a rice pouch in the microwave, poured over some Slimming World jalfrezi sauce from Iceland and served with the only thing I had in the freezer – Linda McCartney veggies sausages.

A sausage curry you ask? Yes, it’s weird, but it worked! Who knew?

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I’ve been doing a terrible job of posting my meals on our group’s Slimming World Facebook page because of a lack of spare time, so I don’t think I’ll be winning that five pounds. Even so, the most important thing is that I’ve been eating a lot of Speed food.

Hopefully it gives me a good loss come Monday, because I’ve been really good and haven’t weighed myself at all. As such I have no clue how I’m doing this week and weigh in will be a complete surprise. Right now I feel OK, but I know the nerves will start kicking in come Sunday night.

I just have to be strong.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x