I’ve got to admit, I’ve been worrying about money. Although there was no alternative for me and I just had to stay home from work, once the family was out of immediate danger I did start to think about the practicalities of having just a fraction of my usual income for the next 12 weeks. Best case scenario, my credit card was going to have to take a massive battering.
Has anyone else found that one good day seems to be followed by one bad? It’s like you let your guard down, take time to appreciate the little things and have a nice day, then the next is followed by remembering what’s going on in the world and the cycle starts over.
Wednesday was a day I woke up feeling panicky right from the start, and the first thing I saw was 9 missed calls from an unknown number. My first and immediate thought was that someone I care about was seriously ill and a family member whose number I don’t have was trying to get in touch with me. Most unlike me, I called the number straight back to find out what was going on.
The person on the other end answered within a couple of rings, and whilst I didn’t recognise the voice, I did recognise the name. It was a top manager from work, one I’ve only ever said hello to in passing until now.
He was phoning to let me know that they’ve had a policy review, and although I do have to use some of my holiday allowance, for the rest of the time off I’ll be paid in full. If that’s ok with me. Hell yes it is! So that’s one (pretty major) less thing to worry about.
I did still have something on my mind though, because on Thursday I realised I had to go shopping. We shop online during normal times, but we haven’t been able to get a slot till the 14th of April. Then after that… who knows? Since we’ve been lucky up until now, apart from my brief sojourn to work last week I haven’t had to leave the house since the 16th of March.
The prospect of having to venture outdoors had me more stressed than I thought it would. When I got to Tesco, there was an enormous queue. Everyone was being sensible though, so I decided to just stick it out and get it over and done with.
I queued for more than an hour, and by the time I got into the shop my hands were killing me. I hadn’t realised until then, but I spent most of the time gripping the trolley like my life depended on it. My jaw was aching from it being clenched for so long.
Before I picked up my trolley it was cleaned by a staff member, and when I got near to the store entrance I was given a disinfectant wipe to give it another rub down and make sure my hands were clean. Despite this, my inner voice just kept crying out ‘DANGER! DANGER!’ the whole time.
Outside in the queue I could smell people’s perfume, aftershave, cigarette smoke and body odour. I couldn’t help wondering what else I was breathing in. One queue companion was not a worry at all though.
It’s always good to meet a fellow ginger.
Once inside the shop it was fine. I think Tesco had it right with the amount of people they were letting in at a time and I was in and out quickly. Back to the safety of home! Once in I washed my hands, changed my clothes, washed my hands again, washed my face, wiped down the shopping, everything the shopping had touched, and even put the coat I’d worn in the laundry. I think I did all I possible could to stay safe.
Staying on plan though? That did NOT go to plan. During these strange times however, I’m being easy on myself. I really fancied a nice bottle of red wine, and to be honest the prospect of a treat was what I needed to get me out of the front door.
You know me. One day off plan is NEVER just one day, and I ended up buying a few other naughty bits and bobs. All the treat food is now eaten, and I have another bottle of wine to drink tonight. Then I will remain strong – no more treat food is allowed in the house! Tonight is a little celebration that my money worries are temporarily allayed, that the sun is shining, and that it’s a Saturday and I don’t have to work.
From now on I’ve decided to trust my instincts. I knew what I needed to do as far as work was concerned and trusted that I’d find a way to make it work, somehow. As such I decided that I’m not going to go out to exercise after all, no matter how early in the day. This week I’ve done some indoor workouts and since we are lucky enough to have a garden, that’s where I will spend my time outdoors in order to keep me sane.
It just seems like such an unnecessary risk for me to go out when I don’t have to, especially as those I know who have to walk dogs or don’t have the space to exercise at home keep reporting back that people aren’t doing their bit when it comes to social distancing.
I think that the UK is going to see stricter measures come in because a relatively small (yet large enough to be a danger) group of idiots can’t do as they’re told. I figure I’ll start doing it now, no point waiting for the government to pull their fingers out.
Anyway, enough now of the serious stuff. In more important news, I now know what the flower from the last post is! Thanks so much to My Big Fat Vegan Life for telling me it’s a clematis (indeed it is) and to my mother for finding out which one it is exactly. Excellent work people!
See, in my wild flower reference book all the pictures of clematis have five petals, so I dismissed clematis as an option. But no. They can have four OR five petals. HOW IS THAT A THING? If something has 8 legs, it’s a spider. If it doesn’t, it’s not a spider, RIGHT?
Plants are confusing. I clearly have a lot to learn. I have plenty to time to improve my knowledge.
For either Christmas or my birthday, I don’t remember which, my sister bought me a lovely journal. I hadn’t finished my current one yet, and I’ve been looking forward to April when I could start completely afresh. The problem is, fresh journals are scary and it took me a couple of days to build up the courage to make that first mark.
I shied away from using watercolours towards the end of my last journal, because the water warps the pages slightly. But then, looking back over what I’d done I realised the slightly crispy, well used pages were my favourite to look back on. I’m trying to not worry so much about mess and whatnot. So I did some speed-painting last night.
I really love how this turned out, and it took less than 30 minutes from start to finish. I’m trying to make this journal into more of a nature journal, so I’ll include stuff I learn about the things I paint in future entries. It’ll be fun!
Right, that’s it for today. Time for me to get out into the garden and make the most of the sun.
Thanks for reading,