It’s Really Happening

Despite all of the preparations I’ve been making for relaunching my Slimming World group on the 24th of June, nothing made it seem quite so real as picking up my equipment from head office.

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I’m just back from my foundation training, which was an intensive three-day course. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still loads more to learn, but this is the last bit of official training I get until my group opens. Until then it’s a case of practise, practise and practise some more.

The training was second-to-none, and I just wasn’t prepared for how bloody hilarious my trainer would be. She is absolutely superb at what she does – I couldn’t have asked for better.

It’s also been a week of exciting things for me. I never really have much occasion to dress up (with the recent Swingamajig shenanigans being a notable exception) so it was nice to have to dress smart for my training. I felt pretty fab in the three different outfits I bought.

Who am I kidding? I didn’t bring three outfits at all, it was more like eight, because I have nice things to choose from now. It’s still a novelty, and I’m still extremely chuffed at my first ever outfit from Topshop. I could never get anything that fit from there until now.

It didn’t really register at first, but this is the first time I’ve stayed at a hotel on my own, the first time I’ve travelled for ‘work’ on my own, and the first time I’ve eaten in a restaurant on my own.

If that wasn’t enough I also went swimming IN PUBLIC for the first time since 2008. When I went down to the pool there were other people in there (very scary) and they all had their mobile phones even though there was a sign saying no phones allowed.

Personally I think that rule should have been enforced, because I did feel really uncomfortable knowing that someone could take a picture of me if they wanted to. I went ahead and did it anyway though!

When I think back to how little confidence I used to have, I can hardly believe I did any of these things. There’s another layer to all of this though, which is that I’ve been seriously struggling with my mental health again. I had some great times while I was away. I met some wonderful people, I laughed, I learned, I found out new things about myself… but at the same time it has been such hard work because I’m feeling so desperately low. It’s like trying to run though custard.

I am rather proud of myself for lifting my head high and just getting on with it (private meltdowns notwithstanding), but in a way I feel cheated out of the fabulous few days I should have had. At any other time I would have been bouncing off the ceiling right now. As it is I’ve been listening to a constant tirade of ‘you’re stupid, you’re ugly, no one will want to come to your group, no one likes you, you’re an idiot, you don’t know what you’re doing, stupid, stupid, STUPID‘.

All of that from my own gosh darn brain.

It seems unfair.

So what am I going to do about it? I’m going to go to the doctors, and I’m going to speak to my Slimming World manager, just to let her know that I’m struggling. Because if there’s one thing I’ve taken away from all this, it’s that everyone in the company genuinely cares.

The same goes for the members (not that I’ve met all of them). On my first day of training I was feeling particularly nervous because I hadn’t made any friends yet, but it wasn’t long before I spotted a familiar face on the wall of my particular training room.

It was only my friend Dave! *read his blog here, you won’t regret it*

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This little coincidence really did perk me up for the rest of the day, and, as the real Dave (as opposed to photo-on-the-wall-accepting-his-Man-of-the-Year-award Dave) does on a regular basis, reminded me that I’m not alone.

I have my ups as well as my downs, so I’m sure it won’t be long until the fog clears and I can look back and truly appreciate the experiences of the last few days.

But first? I need to get a damn good sleep. Everything feels better after a good kip.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

5 thoughts on “It’s Really Happening

  1. You’re genuinely never alone – and whatever you’re going through is always a story I want to hear if and when you feel you need to talk about it.

    Although things are bent out of shape in your mind out at the moment the ABSOLUTE TRUTH is that I’ve had the please of seeing you grow firstly in your blog, and then as a friend.

    Both have been engaging and interesting – and I’m not only proud of the woman you’ve become (and are STILL becoming) but I understand the emotional hurdles that you’ve had to leap over on the way to get to where you are now.

    I’ve said it before I and I’ll say it again.

    You’ve got this.

    You’re awesome and you’re a very very special lady with a heart the size of an ocean.

    Others also clearly see what I do and because of that they too believe that this is the next step on your journey to a better life.

    You can do it.

    You can do ANYTHING.

    Tomorrow is another day 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: For the rest of my life – daveywankenobie

  3. Oh dear, I am so sorry you were not able to experience everything as fully and as wonderfully as you had hoped.

    I remember watching this really bad Christmas movie once, but there was one line that stuck with me: “Don’t take crap from anyone. Especially not from yourself”. Try not to let yourself hold you back, because you are genuinely lovely, both inside and out.

    It is always a good idea to share with others that you are struggling, and you would be surprised to see how many people would do anything to help if they could. You’ve got my number, so if you ever need to talk, I’m happy to listen.

    I am not sure if this is something you are interested in, but I came across a book called “Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Self-acceptance” by Rosie Molinary a while ago. Maybe it can help a little to help you be kinder to yourself? 🙂 The first 24 days are free on google books, so you could just try it out and see if it is any help.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw thanks so much, I will definitely check out that book when I have a spare minute. That’s one of my problems I think, it’s all go, go, go and I haven’t had much opportunity to just sit and BREATHE!

      Like

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