Wait, what?

To be honest, I’m in shock.

I went on my first diet when I was about 14, when the plan was to skip lunch (that way I could also save my lunch money and spend it on CDs) and just have pasta with a tin of tomatoes for dinner. I lost a bit of weight, but unsurprisingly it wasn’t long before hunger took over and I went back to eating ‘normally’. Of course the weight piled back on. My memory from around that time is really sketchy, but I’m sure my clothing size was in the 20’s. I’d guess my weight was in the 20’s too.

I didn’t seriously diet again until I started working full time at 17. Although I don’t think I was a paying member, I was following the principals of Slimming World and I lost five stone in five months. It was at this point I started to think about my target weight, so I looked up my BMI.

To be in the healthy range I’d have to be 12 stone 12 pounds, so that’s what I decided to aim for.

In 2004, I achieved that weight. I was taking diet pills that although were technically prescribed by a doctor were sold out of a salon. I also had gall stones and had regular attacks which were made worse by eating anything fatty, so that combined with dodgy appetite suppressants meant that although I felt utterly dreadful, when I stepped on the scales for the pre-op check before having my gall bladder removed, the scales read 12.12 exactly.

I stayed that weight for, hmm, perhaps a week before it all went back on (I gained about 9 stone over the next year) and I’ve been trying to get back there ever since.

When I stepped on the scales at group yesterday, I knew it would be OK because I’d had a sneak peek at home. But I didn’t know just how OK it would be.

I stepped on and 12st 8lbs popped up. My mind went blank, and all of a sudden I couldn’t remember what I weighed last week.

‘Er, now much have I lost?’ I asked.

‘6.5 pounds’

Wait, what? I hadn’t done anything differently, yet I’d had this amazing loss. Because of that it took a while for my actual weight to sink in.

I am now the lightest I have been in my ENTIRE ADULT LIFE.

This is so huge, but I can’t comprehend it. It isn’t real yet. Oh, and I also got my 8.5 stone award!

There’s also the fact that, if I hadn’t lowered my target, right now I’d be two pounds under my target weight. Like… what?

I’m pleased that I did lower my target weight, because now I’m at this point I know I’m not ready to stop. I know it was the right thing to do. I’m thinking that 11 stone 11 pounds seems a nice number, and it’ll also give me my 9.5 stone award. The truth is though, I’m in completely unknown territory so I won’t really know what my target is till I reach it. Whatever it is, it can’t be far off!

This morning I did weigh myself at home just to make sure last night wasn’t a fluke (it wasn’t) then I walked into town for some Body Magic. There were no exciting purchases today, but I’m glad I went out in the awful weather because I don’t want to get into the habit of using it as an excuse.

I’ll be out there, rain or shine! I was actually much happier than I appear in the picture. I’m not really sure what that expression is about!

For the week ahead I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing, because it sure has been working well so far.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

5 thoughts on “Wait, what?

  1. I’m SO happy that you’re SO happy.

    I’m not just saying that either – because a lot of the time reading your blog is like reading my own and I KNOW what you’re feeling, why you feel it and what you’ve been through to get there.

    You deserve to feel this way. You DESERVE the happiness you have and you definitely know now how important it is to remember how this feels and why you’re where you are.

    You’ve learned from past mistakes, begun to believe in a positive internal narrative about who you should be in life.

    In short you’ve learned to care for and love someone that’s ALWAYS been worth it – nomatter what the negative voices (that we all have) have told you in darker moments.

    Keep on keeping on because I’ll make your life a living hell of texts and pestering otherwise 🤗

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well this is the sweetest comment ever! If I ever do feel like giving up (because let’s face it we all have times where we think that way) the threat of being harrassed by you should keep me in check! 😅

      Liked by 1 person

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