Wellllllll, I still didn’t get back on plan today. I couldn’t eat at all in the morning because I was so anxious. I went to see Mr. S for lunch, and I told him that I just want to be friends. He seemed quite sad about that (I am too, because I really do love him) and he said he’s not ready for a relationship. Which is fine, but in that case we need to stop acting exactly like we’re in a relationship. Mr. S has not been intentionally leading me on, he’s not that kind of guy. But the fact remains it’s too confusing for me to be stuck in this middle ground where I’m never quite sure where I stand. Or I think I know, then the next minute I’m devastatingly reminded that I was totally wrong – I can’t handle all of those ups and downs. I’m not looking for anyone else, so if in the future Mr. S is ready, then who knows what might happen. In the meantime, it’s just me, myself and I from now on.
We went to Aldi to pick up some lunch bits after this rather depressing conversation, and since I was now feeling both ravenous and rather queasy I just grabbed what I fancied. I had chocolate, hummus, pitta, olives and sundried tomatoes. Not the worst things in the world, but certainly not on plan.
I’m feeling really low to be honest, because despite some ups and downs (the ‘does he like me, doesn’t he like me’ saga that we went through for months because he kept giving me mixed signals) Mr. S has been my shining happy thought. Now my happy thought has gone, and I can’t remember how to feel OK without it.
However, my positive pants are now on, have been pulled ALL THE WAY UP, and I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other until I get back into the swing of things.
I’m back at work tonight and have already prepared my lunch of broccoli, kale and Tofoo smoked tofu, which is one of my Slimming World essentials. I love it and it’s FREE! Well, it’s a Free Food on Slimming World I should say, in actual fact it’s rather pricey (but totally worth it).
In other news, which is most pleasantly surprising, Slimming World have updated Syns Online to include the Oumph range. I’m so happy about this, because when I’m on plan I don’t like eating stuff unless I know exactly what the Syns are. My favourite of the range is 2 Syns per 70g serving.
It goes to show that it’s best to wait for an official value, even though Slimming World advised me to use the calculator in the meantime. I would have ended up going way over, because through the calculator it comes up as about 2 syns for the entire 280g pack. This especially riles me up as the Linda McCartney roast that came out over Christmas was never, ever added at all despite me trying for months to get them to look into it. Oh well, at least they’ve pulled their fingers out this time.
I’m feeling a lot better about my knee situation, too. I’ve ordered some proper vegan trail-running shoes (I’ll talk more about those once I’ve tried them out) plus I now have a knee support and some Ibuprofen gel that have been working wonders. I’m probably not going to train tomorrow even though I’m itching to get out there, but I feel like I could run on it now. It’s probably wise to rest up a bit more though. I must be sensible about this!
So there we have it. On to a new chapter for me. I’m going to make sure it’s a good one.
Thanks for reading,