As I start to write it’s nearing midnight, and I’m feeling sad and anxious. I’ve not been feeling great for a couple of days, which I put down to those hormonal fluctuations that I seem to spend so much time going on about. I’ve just been riding the wave though.
Tonight though I’m feeling extra bad, what with one thing and another. I haven’t felt this bad since I was with my ex, and it’s obviously not an enjoyable experience. I didn’t know what to do with my feelings back then, and it turns out I still don’t know what to do with them. I haven’t learned much in those few years it seems. Or have I?
I need to turn these negative feelings into positive actions. It’s just a shame it’s extra hard because of the day I’ve had.
On the one hand it’s been nice. It’s my mum’s 60th birthday next week and we had a birthday tea party for her this afternoon. I had intended to stay entirely on plan and not partake in any of the baked goods, but my sister had gone to such an effort making almost everything vegan that I felt obliged to join it. Guilt if I do eat food, guilt if I don’t.
At the very least it was all very beautiful (and utterly delicious).
I decided to weigh myself beforehand, thinking that since I’ve had a perfect week so far something is bound to have come off. But nope, not the case. Sigh. In fact half a pound has gone on.
I didn’t go mad with the food (which was lovely by the way) so I shouldn’t feel too bad about it, but compounded with everything else I’m just feeling awful. And filled with doubt yet again. I feel like I could handle anything if I could at least see something happening with the weight loss this week. The scales just don’t always oblige in that way though, do they?
Positives though! There are a few things I can concentrate on next week to see if I can get those numbers moving in the right direction.
- I have been going a bit mad with potatoes so perhaps that has held up my losses. I went shopping yesterday and have a fridge full of Speed Foods so let’s see if changing that up affects the scales. Maybe I’ll even do a couple of SP days. I haven’t tried SP despite being a member when it was first introduced.
- I’ve been eating pasta which I don’t have often – perhaps it has bloated me out a bit. I’ll try putting my pasta eating to one side for the time being as an experiment.
- I’ve trained three times this week after my schedule being up the wall for the previous two weeks. It sure has felt like a shock to the system, so that may well have thrown a spanner in the works. I’m not someone who can avoid running in order to avoid a gain, so I’ll carry on as normal and wait for my body to adjust. Three sessions minimum in the coming week!
- I can’t let this feeling stop me from achieving my goals. I need to channel all of that negative energy into getting sh*t done.
So yeah. Everything will be fine. It always is, in the end, no matter how bad things appear at the time. Onwards and downwards, and I will NOT let this blip affect the coming week.
Thanks for reading my nighttime ramblings,