I’ve started reading a really important book. It’s called Body Positive Power and it’s by an amazing individual named Megan Jayne Crabbe. It’s about being happy with your body no matter what your size, and it’s something I really want to learn how to do. And it is something we must learn, because we’ve all been subconsciously learning to compare ourselves to people in the media pretty much as soon as we’re old enough to think. So it’s going to be tough as hell to unlearn all of that.
There’s a huge ‘but‘ though, and that’s that I’m not quite ready for this. Not just yet. I’ve only read a few chapters and already my mind has been blown several times over, but whilst I was reading I noticed a little voice in the back of my head saying ‘yes, I’ll do that, as soon as I’ve lost some more weight’. Which is the exact opposite of what the books says I should be doing. Or at least that’s what I shouldn’t be doing if I want to be truly happy with myself and all of my marvellous imperfections.
I do want that, but I also want to be a healthy weight. It’s not just that if I’m totally honest now, is it? I want to fit into my vintage Levi’s, I want my tummy to shrink more, and health has never been at the forefront of my mind when I think of these things.
The way I see it though, is that although I’m not ready to commit to the whole Body Positive movement, it is something I want to do eventually and I’m going to read up about it as much as I can in the meantime. There’s also ‘Body Autonomy’, and that I really am going for. It’s basically ‘it’s my body and I’ll do what the hell I like with it’.
This week it started with my new eyeshadow palette from Barry M called Meteor Storm (vegan friendly) which I’m totally in love with, and I wondered if it would be too much to wear it every day. Then I realised I don’t care if it’s too damn much, I’m wearing it anyway. I also wrote some time ago about wearing lipstick, and how I wasn’t sure it was really ‘me’. Well now I’ll damn well wear lipstick whenever I damn well like! And I will damn well ROCK it.
It was also only a couple of posts ago I spoke about whether I could get away with wearing just running leggings yet. Well, eff it. I’m going out as soon as I have a training-free day and I’m going to buy me some fancy running leggings whether I look ‘acceptable’ or not. To hell with it.
I feel like I’ve taken the first step on a really important journey. I’m excited to find out where I end up!
In the meantime training with my official trainer was much better today than it was last week. I think we were both feeling pretty down in the dumps during our last session, which wasn’t a good combo because normally one of us is cheering the other up. When we’re both sad it makes for a lot of ‘well that was crap’ feelings even though, actually, we’re both total badasses!
Tomorrow will be my fourth training session in a row, because we’re trying to keep the momentum up and too many rest days just make me feel like I’m starting over.
I’m also right back on plan and I’m hoping to make some real decent progress as far as weight loss goes over the next couple of months. I have nothing at all naughty planned – no nights out, no naughty meals, no drinking wine. If someone wants to socialise with me, well, they’ll have to get their trainers or their hiking boots out.
Fortunately/unfortunately the weather has taken a bit of a turn today. On the plus side it means training is easier (I can’t even imagine what it’s going to be like in the summer) but once I stopped moving I was half frozen to death. I had to get snuggled up in a cosy blanket while the drizzle dried from my hair. It was all very well while it was keeping me cool, but since I was at my trainer’s house still and he has a shaved head I didn’t bother asking to borrow a hair dryer!
That’s NOT real fur by the way, and in case you were wondering how to be certain (it’s a good thing to know) then fake fur has blunt ends. And also, if you pull apart the fur you will eventually see that it’s attached to a kind of mesh. Lots of companies are selling real fur as fake (it’s cheap because no one in their right mind wants real fur these days) so I never just assume because something is on the cheaper side it’s not the real thing. Tesco and Boots got into trouble for doing it not so long ago!
When I got home I had a nice warming bowl of porridge made with soya milk and topped with fresh raspberries. Start as you mean to go and all that.
Speaking of which it’s nearly dinner time! I’m not the only one who is constantly thinking about what to eat next, right?
Thanks for reading,