I’m feeling super duper good today. I’m almost frightened to say it, because whenever I say things like that my mood seems to take a nosedive. But I don’t really believe in that kind of stuff, so here I am saying it anyway. Things are really good!
I’m so thankful that the mood of the last post only lasted a few days. It was intense, and my eating and exercise did suffer, but it went away just as quickly as it arrived.
Yesterday I went out for a family meal, and I wasn’t really feeling it, so I did use food to make myself feel better. We were at Zizzi’s, and their vegan menu is excellent, so I went ahead and ordered my usual – garlic bread to start, peperonata pizza for mains, followed by an insanely delicious chocolate praline torte.
There was a small amount of vegan cheese on there, but since I stopped eating the real thing I’ve discovered that pizza is all about that base. If the base is on point then I definitely don’t need a cheesy topping, not even the vegan variety. It’s probably also a huge calorie saving, not that it would make that much difference in the course of my decadent meal.
On the plus side I was worried that I’d struggle to get to my 70k steps for the week after such an atrocious start. As it happens I ended up on over 90k and also managed to hit my minimum calorie burn goal (with a couple of thousand on top for good measure).
The best thing though is that I’m not feeling guilty at the moment. I’ve had enough of feeling guilty to last me a lifetime.
Today has been a success on many levels. Although I haven’t eaten entirely on plan, I haven’t eaten unhealthily. I had avocado on toast for lunch which was amazing and great for healthy fats, it just doesn’t fit in easily with Slimming World. I’ll be back to the proper Slimming World way tomorrow though.
In the morning I was at the dentist for 9am for a filling, and after the ordeal of having wisdom teeth removed this was nothing. Having said that I was still shaking when I came out, because I was scared, but I went and did it anyway. And all on my own this time! I also had the hole from the last visit packed out with a dissolvable dressing as food keeps getting in there and was causing pain, and having that done hurt quite a lot. But now it feels so much better and it should heal faster now.
I’m pretty proud of myself for doing two brave things last week, too. At least for me they were brave, so I’m celebrating them even if some may not agree.
Months ago my manager mentioned that he had two 10kg kettlebells that he never uses and said I could have them for free, but then he forgot and I was too shy to ask again. I wondered if he just said that in the moment and didn’t mention it again because he didn’t really want to give them to me.
But this week I decided that I definitely need two kettlebells of the same weight, for certain exercises that I want to do. So I plucked up the courage and reminded him of it even though I felt like a cheeky cow for doing so.
Of course I needn’t have worried, because he was happy to get rid of them. Turns out his memory is just as bad as mine! It seems such a little thing, but for me it’s progress.
I had half an idea of just chilling out after the dentist, but then I decided I wanted to work out so I gave them a little test run. Let’s just say that I’m going to be sore tomorrow!
The other brave thing I did was simply saying yes. You may remember me telling you about an awesome colleague I got talking to a while back. Well he invited me out hiking, which we should be doing tomorrow as long as it isn’t chucking it down. When he asked a rather large portion of my brain was shouting ‘SAY NO, SAY NO, SAY NO!’ because what if there’s an awkward silence, or what if I fall over and make a fool of myself, or what if a thousand other things? But the new, brave part of my brain just said ‘YES! I’d love to!’ Because after all that’s the absolute truth and I can’t wait.
Besides, I’ll also be christening my new walking boots which I’ve been itching to do.
Apart from the kettlebells today I’ve also been hula hooping, and I’m going to jump on the exercise bike in a little while too. I’m wearing a pair of leggings and a sports bra, and although I’d never leave the house like this (for now) I’m feeling really body-positive today.
I don’t know exactly how I feel about my weight at the moment, because I’m stressing myself out and getting too desperate to get to target. It’s a shame it has the opposite effect and makes me want to eat.
But then again I need to keep my goals in the forefront of my mind because I can’t afford to let things slip. Otherwise before I know it I’ll be back where I started.
At the moment I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope!
So I’m now hunting for some middle ground, because I don’t want to get into a binge/purge cycle and I can see myself heading that way. I’m thinking of trying to focus on enjoyment. It’s been working with the exercise this week. Yoga was getting boring when I was doing it every single day, so apart from the basic exercises I’m doing that need consistency (press-ups, squats etc) then I’m just doing what’s fun.
I want to do the same with food – I really want to normalise the healthier foods that I like and eat them because I want to, not because they’ll make me thin. I hope this makes sense. Because although I won’t really be eating differently, the way I feel about food will hopefully change so that one day I won’t have to be constantly aware of what I’m putting into my body.
That’s the plan anyhoo.
Now I need to going and get my bits ready for hiking tomorrow, because it’s going to be cold. And while I’m on that subject I’m still waiting for my friend to reply to confirm when we are meeting tomorrow. To be honest a tiny little part of my mind is expecting something to go wrong and he’ll cancel, but I’m trying to shut it up.
I need to start thinking about what can go right!
Thanks for reading,