The lead up to Christmas Day was not great. I had to go back to work even though I’m still feeling drained and run down, and sleep-wise it’s probably the most deprived of it I’ve ever been yet I still managed to function somehow. By Friday I felt like an elastic band that was being stretched to its limit and was about to snap. I have also cried more this week than I have in the rest of the year put together, the most notable instance being when I broke down because it was Wednesday but I thought it was Thursday. I’m really pleased with myself for managing to keep it together as well as I did!
Once I finished work on the morning of Christmas Eve I got as much sleep as I could (2hrs 45mins, hardly worth bothering with) then got on with all the things I had to prepare. I also managed to fit in a visit to my dad’s, as traditionally we go there for Boxing Day but I couldn’t this year because I’m back to work tonight.
In the evening yesterday I watched A Muppet’s Christmas Carol with my mum, because we do it every year and it just isn’t the same if we haven’t sung ’cause tonight there’s only one more sleep till Christmas!’ along with Kermit. I don’t even remember what we used to do before that film came out.
Then after another crappy night’s sleep it was Christmas morning, and I was up early elfing myself up, inflating balloons and curling ribbons before I had to go and pick up my sister and her boyfriend. By the time I’d finished the living room was looking pretty damn magical!
Because I only recently decorated we decided against pinning any decorations to the walls or ceilings, so that’s where the balloon idea came from.
Once the driving part of the day was over I must admit I started on the booze. Normally Christmas is all about food, food and more food with our family (well to be fair I have been eating Christmas food the whole month so that is still true) but this year I wanted to get merry. Normally we eat too much to fit in liquids as well but this year we had sensible dinner portions and didn’t leave the table feeling like we were going to explode. Since I don’t really drink at all these days, I didn’t do well with controlling myself and I’ve been very, very poorly today. Well that’s certainly a lesson learned!
The actual day was wonderful, despite how I’m feeling today, and I got loads of thoughtful gifts from my family. When I was sorting out the balloons and rushing around to get everything done I forgot about the present side of things entirely. My sister bought me a new pair of pyjamas, which I was chuffed with because I nearly bought some the other day but stopped myself because I didn’t really need them as such. She got them in a size 14, and although I’m not actually a 14 and they’re really not flattering for my current shape, I can get them on and they fit comfortably! I know because they’re jimjams there’s a lot of give so I’m not really a size 14, far from it, but it’s really encouraging that I can wear them now and that the huge gains I’ve been having this month haven’t yet had a great impact on my size.
She also bought me a lovely dress in a size 14, which again goes on OK. I’m even more pleased about this, because it’s quite fitted and less forgiving. I can’t wear it just yet though because it shows all kinds of lumps and bumps (it doesn’t leave much to the imagination at all!) but it won’t be long before I can.
Unfortunately with the Christmas food I bought way too much, so since I’m feeling too delicate to eat much today (so far I’m on three slices of dry toast) and I’m getting straight back on plan tomorrow, I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with all the leftovers since food banks don’t take junk food. I think I’ll put it away because it all has a long shelf-life, but if I feel like I can’t control myself with it in the house then it’ll simply have to go. I’ll see how I get on with it.
So that was my Christmas. I’m still not feeling right in myself, but if I don’t get control over my eating then I’m going to go from feeling a bit crappy to every aspect of my life going back to being entirely crap.
I can’t control my moods or hormones or whatever, but I can control my size and weight by controlling what I eat. I can and I will.
I’ll update again tomorrow with my back-on-plan strategies. Until then, thanks for reading,