Cars stress me out. If it was just me I had to worry about then I wouldn’t be overly fussed about not having one – I already walk or take the train whenever it’s possible and/or affordable anyway. And if I want to go exploring somewhere then there’s always the option of hiring one for a few days. But I do need a car for two reasons – so that I have somewhere quiet to eat my lunch at work because the canteen is gross and crowded, and even more importantly so that I can take my mum to her various hospital and doctor’s appointments.
Last week my engine pressure light came on, and it didn’t look good. For minor problems, or when the car is on it’s way out, the light normally flickers on and off intermittently and gradually gets worse over time. I could handle that, because it gives me time to sort out an alternative. But for me it was just BOOM, solid oil pressure light staring me in the face! I didn’t know if my engine was about to seize and die at any given point. But my friend was in the process of selling some variety of Peugeot, and he only wanted £350 for it. Since he owes me £150, and I was going to kind of part-ex my BMW with him, I would only end up having to lay out about £100 for a car to tide me over.
He got the Peugeot MOT’d yesterday and got a puncture repaired, and was going to drop it off for me this morning. But then the battery on it decided to die even though he’d not had any problems previously. Bloody typical! Although it’s simple enough to change the battery it wasn’t clear whether there was an electrical problem causing it to drain, and right now (especially with my recent mood struggles) I’m just desperate for a bit of reliability. My friend is pretty awesome though and had been to have a chat with a BMW specialist before coming to mine. After a little fiddle around under the bonnet we hit the road. According to the BMW man if we drove the distance of the local Tesco and back, if anything was seriously wrong with the engine there would be considerable knocking by the time we got back. And we would know that my poor engine was, and I’m quoting here, screwed.
So we got in the car and… the warning light had gone out. On the drive it flickered on and off, so when we parked up at Tesco my friend popped the bonnet and used a bit of trim from the inside of my back door (which is hanging off – who needs to use the back doors anyway?) and had a poke around inside the engine. Literally poking around in there with a bit of walnut trim! And after all that stress and worrying about what I’m going to do, how I’m going to get my mum to where she needs to go without major anxiety on her part and mine, the problem turned out to be… THE WIRE LEADING TO THE SENSOR. It has a little break in it, that is all. This theory is strongly backed by the fact that when we got home my engine was still purring like a kitten. Or a tiger I suppose, given that it’s a monster of a thing.
Of course I’m totally relieved that there’s nothing wrong with my engine but still, what a palava! I know I shouldn’t worry about things that are outside of my control – it’s not as if me worrying changed a damn thing – but gosh it’s easier to say that than to actually do it!
Car troubles aside, I’m feeling a lot better now. My mood has improved 100-fold, and I’m in a position to think about what the heck went wrong over the last couple of weeks. The main problem I have is that I don’t have a problem. If I was really unhappy with my lot in life then I could understand it, but you can’t fix something when it isn’t broken. In the past when I’ve felt down for no apparent reason then food has come to the rescue. I could eat a tub of ice cream or a giant pizza and, at least until I next got on the scales, I’d feel happier. It was a temporary fix and I certainly don’t recommend it because let’s face it, in the long term that kind of strategy would literally have killed me, but what do I do now? What do I use to get me through when there’s nothing in my life I can change to make me feel better, because technically nothing is wrong? I don’t have that answer, all I know is that food doesn’t cut it anymore so hopefully I’ll remember that next time I come off the rails. There’s no point looking for that one meal that’s going to boost my mood, because my body and brain no longer work that way. It’s a HUGE positive, it means that my relationship with food is getting healthier all the time. Perhaps I should try something like CBT? Yes, I should definitely look into that! In addition to a chat with the doctor next week that is…
I did make a pretty difficult decision this week – I decided to transfer my Slimming World membership back to online. This is because I’ve been struggling with staying awake at work, which is quite important, and the only group I kind of like is before my shift on Tuesday evening. The last few months have found me dreading group, and that’s not good. Apart from the fact it no longer fits in well with my routine, there’s also the fact that when I’m tired I find it really hard to deal with lots of layers of noise. If the TV is on in the background, even quietly, then I can’t concentrate on anything someone is saying to me. The same for radios and whatnot. I generally prefer as close to complete silence as is possible! So sitting in group trying to listen to the consultant or a member speak during IMAGE therapy is made impossible by at least five groups of people having their own separate and very loud conversations. It drives me absolutely nuts! The consultant drops hints, saying things like ‘ooh, we’re getting a bit noisy today’ but no one is even listening to her so it just continues. So I’ll be weighing in at home for the next three months (that’s the length of the online subscription I purchased) then I will go back to group once that’s up. By then I will be missing it, hopefully the doctor will have given me some help, and I’ll be handling my moods better. That’s the theory anyway!
As for this week’s weigh in, I put on (in true Hayley fashion) an impressive 11 pounds. It’s not my biggest ever gain, and it’s over two weeks, so I’m feeling OK about it. I know that my body does not react well to salt/fat/sugar and that I bloat like a hot air balloon, and the fact that since I’ve been 100% back on plan I’ve been peeing roughly every 20 minutes also points to some considerable water retention!
The last two days have been filled with such delicious Slimming World food, and as ever I’m left questioning whether the binge was worth it. And as ever, it really wasn’t. Next time someone please remind me how much I love corn-on-the-cob!
Speaking of food, it’s now time to get dinner. I’m making a cheats lentil curry using a tin of (syn free) Heinz Creationz with added okra, onions and tomatoes. Hopefully it’ll turn out as nice as it sounds!
Thanks for reading,