Next week I’m doing something I really don’t want to do.
When my sister first moved into London I dropped some bits off to her in the car, and that day I swore I would never, ever drive in London again. It’s a relatively simple journey pretty much involving only three roads, but there are so many bloody traffic lights and so much traffic and so many buses and cyclists and people everywhere and just… argh, I’m getting stressed writing about it! Yet I’m a complete sucker because when my sister asked me a couple of days ago to help her move I only went and said yes. And I’m absolutely dreading it. There’s no time of day I can go where I won’t be hitting rush hour traffic, it’s going to take multiple journeys, and I’m borrowing a people carrier from my friend so I’ll be in an unfamiliar car. In a way I should be thankful I drive a ridiculously big BMW so at least the size of it won’t be a complete shock. I’m still not relishing the thought though. The move is happening on Tuesday, and I keep finding myself turning it over and over in my mind even though I know I’m blowing it all out of proportion. I drove back from Scotland in one day (an 8 hour drive) with no problems whatsoever. In fact I enjoyed it! So I’m sure it’ll be fine, I’m just finding it really hard to keep my positive head on.
On the plus side I was weighed yesterday and I really doubted I’d lost enough to get my 6st award. But I was wrong! I lost 3lbs and have now lost 6st on the dot. Not bad considering my aim was to have that award by the end of the month. Now I have a new goal for July – to get into the 14 stones. I have 4.5lbs to go and I’m damn well going to give it my all!
Being at this weight has been bringing back some not-so-pleasant memories, but it’s OK because I need to think about these things in order to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself. I dug out my old Slimming World books (I keep telling myself I’m going to throw them out but I can’t bring myself to do it) to have a look at my stats from around this time.
They weren’t good.
Things were terrible between me and my boyfriend and I was in a state of constant anxiety. My losses/gains reflected that! Take a look at this:
So overall I lost weight, but that is not the way to go about it. In the May my ex’s nan passed away, and while she was ill I wasn’t allowed to see her to say goodbye. Because my ex can’t (won’t?) show any kind of emotion, I wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital because that would mean seeing him. By the time the funeral came around I was 14st 7lbs, my lowest ever Slimming World weight, and the most unhappy I’ve ever been in my whole life. No wonder the weight went back on shortly afterwards.
I only started being truly happy towards the end of last year, and it was a long, hard slog to get to that point. I had to question absolutely everything. Like what do I actually like? What do I enjoy doing? What is important to me? I had to figure all of those things out and more, and when I did it was the best. thing. ever. Of course they aren’t set in stone, I’m still thinking about them all the time. But when I do I start to get excited about the future. At least I generally do, when I’m not dreading trips into London! But by this time next week it’ll all be ancient history.
Then I really can say never, ever again!
Thanks for reading,