For the last three days I have been stupid. I know we should be kind to ourselves but that right there is the cold, hard truth of it. I had that one meal off plan last Wednesday, and then did a ton of exercise and ate really well to try and make up for it. That part went OK, until on Monday when I had a sneak peek on the scales. They showed that I had gained 8 POUNDS. Any sensible person would say that this was a malfunction of the scales, or at the very least my body has reacted a bit weirdly to all the exercise I did. But instead of listening to the sensible voice in my head I ate a bad dinner because I felt really low. Eventually I decided that I needed to get it out of my system so I got in the car with the intention of going out and getting some proper naughties.
As soon as the car moved I knew something was terribly wrong. The noise was horrendous but it was dark at this point so I just had to go back indoors and wait until morning before I could figure out what to do. As soon as my car goes wrong I go to pieces. If it was just me I had to worry about it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I must have a car for my mum’s sake. There are no two ways about it. So stupid act number two was to storm in the front door and order a pizza and ice cream to be delivered.
Stupid act number three came the next day. My ex came round to have a look at the car (he’s something of a petrol head) and diagnosed the problem without even lifting the bonnet or starting the car. By the time he’d finished the cup of tea I’d made him he had sourced a part, arranged to pick it up the following day, and arranged for a mobile mechanic to fit the part the day after. Words could not express my gratitude but as is our way when we help each other out, he just told me to shut up as soon as I tried to thank him. After that was sorted I still felt bad so I went to Lidl’s and bought a load of crappy food. So much so that I spent most of Tuesday feeling sick. What a crazy thing to do! What did I hope that would achieve?
Then yesterday it was time to go to London to visit my sister and get vegan goodies. Again I overate but we did do a load of walking. I just felt a little hollow, because I had been really excited to go on the train without feeling like I shouldn’t inflict my fatness on the person sitting next to me.
In reality despite all the rubbish I’ve eaten I’m sure to look at me the change is imperceptible. Or at least it would be if I hadn’t got home and eaten an entire coffee and walnut cake…
This three-day-binge has really shaken me because I thought I was past all this. I thought I had everything cracked, and one bad mood that I couldn’t shake set me off on a course that could quite easily see me gain back all the weight I’ve lost in a scarily short amount of time.
I cannot, nay, will not allow myself to end up back where I started! I’ve been there too many times. Bad moods happen all the time, I just have to find a way to deal with it when I feel particularly bad. It’s not like the world bloody ended- my car broke and I put on a few pounds. Big bloody deal!
Onto the positives – an awfully nice chap came to sort my car out this morning. I actually have a lot to be grateful for. The part and repairs cost me £190 but it could have been a lot worse.
This spring is the part of my car that broke. As the spring is always under tension it just so happened to snap while the car was sitting on the drive. If it had gone while I was driving, it could have embedded itself in my tyre or even worse, cut through the brake lines. Now THAT would be something to stress about.
I did have a good time with my sister yesterday despite not feeling 100%. Just lately I have been craving meat somewhat so I was really happy to try out a totally vegan KFC substitute at Temple of Hackney.
It. Was. Delicious! But as you can see not at all Slimming World friendly. Neither were the espresso Martini’s for that matter! On the plus side we did walk everywhere and clocked up 23,000 steps in the process.
I think I just need a little perspective. Although I can put away quite a bit of food when I put my mind to it, at the end of the day it’s only been a total of four days off plan this month. When I’ve had trouble in the past I’ve just buried my head in the sand, avoided weighing myself completely, and before I know it I have a mountain to climb again. The fact that I’m here, admitting to it and trying to make sense of it, really is progress.
I’ve been so happy up until now. From Sunday I’m back on my normal department at work, the cold that I acquired yesterday will be a thing of the past and with a bit of routine back in my life I can crack on and steam ahead towards my 4 st award. It may be a little further away than it was last week, but I’ll still get there.